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My Major Heartbreak Of The 80s

There is a huge chunk of my Day In Life diary series of the 80s that I decline to mention or would I even like to talk about. You see, I've hang on to all my precious old diaries over the years - complete from November 14, 1985 to 1989 - I still saved them all, had them kept by my friends for safekeeping just away from prying eyes (when I'm out of town or out of the country) -  I refused to let go of these diaries from the 80's (thanks much to my understanding hubby who is ok that I still keep them)

So here I am reinforcing that these diaries are so valuable to me.Yet there is one diary I've written in the last quarter of 1986 that has so much torn pages - with just a few pages left saying something about the emotional turmoil from a paralyzing breakup I had then.  And because some of the pages were torn, I could not refer to them for cues. But I'll try to write what I remember from them.

<sorry, photo copied off his facebook without his permission. I pixelated it so no one would recognize him>

Note: when I started this blog, I wanted to skip writing or even mentioning this. Unless of course if I'll be forced to! I got to have my head checked why I'm writing this  now, hahahaha!! And I would have made the title "The 80s Boyfriend from hell .. hahaha now I completely changed my mind, Major Heartbreak isn't so bad after all.

(listening to some crummy songs from that era to un-inspire me : "Friends and Lovers", "Separate Lives" "Alone" "True Blue" "All I Need Is A Miracleeven Stacey Q's "Two Of Hearts" reminds me of that period in my life)

At first, I didn't really like this guy, which meant I didn't have a crush on him so to me he was like 'blah' anemic. But he's the typical ladies' man and I guess a campus crush in their school. Only met him once during the summer of '86 (when I roamed aimlessly with Ate Baybee in the streets of Dagupan because I ditched summer class in May) Ate Baybee was working at a licensed gun store as a secretary in their building. Ate Baybee introduced us together, saying he was the son of the building owner. Major Heartbreak simply smiled and waved at me hello and vanished. End of story and forgotten.

School days started. I transferred to STHS, a private school at our hometown. Survived those first few months in school despite being bullied and still having attacks of absenteeism. I just got by. Lanie and I were still the best of friends. Ate Baybee I still see often.

Then October came by, to my surprise, Ate Baybee let me know that Major Heartbreak wanted to court me. (yeah, I was also surprised... sounded illogical as he hasn't seen me since the last time... me- the gullible me, didn't question why or how) I just went along with Ate Baybee, with her playing the matchmaker :)  But all I heard were "rumors" from Ate Baybee and Lanie that Major Heartbreak wanted to see me. Things just happened so fast that month, and suddenly there he was visiting me at Lanie's house! Ahh, still had no feelings for the dude then. Ate Baybee kept building him up for me - but I believed I was still in another steady relationship - I was still unimpressed.

Then the one thing that no guy has ever done... oh no... he went to visit me at my house, thinking it was completely okay... imagine my relatives and my mom going berserk after they "interviewed" him.. asking me where I met this guy and giving me bad comments that it was so unlady-like to meet boys in the street.

Haha, in my mind, I defended him... he's not so bad, he's from a reputable Catholic school, his mother is a doctor, he drives a car, he is what I considered a gentleman and of course, good-looking kind of a cross between Harrison Ford and Edu Manzano - but not my kind of crush.

There were some minute details that I felt weird about him during those first few dates... he was telling me that we set our anniversary to July 26 (but I didn't exist then, did I?).. he was telling me his plans for our children when we get married, how many children we would have and where they would go to school (warning bells!)... he often mentioned his past girlfriends as being this, being that- I still wonder up to this day what he was hinting at because all along I was comfortable being simply me.

Later on, I found more good traits in him- like being thoughtful sending me letters/telegram, like being concerned about how I often slouched, like being unbearably sweet to me. Come December, I was getting to fall for him completely because of his kindness and caring. Yes, those times were great for us then even when we used to fight a lot. I was the quiet type not arguing back, so he would be the one with all those angry words why I couldn't make our relationship known to all.

I was beginning to be melodramatic and clingy when 1987 started. I was so happy to please him, made all the effort to see him, as promised, making up excuses at home why I was going home late (yes, 7pm is already so late for my mom!) I accepted the scoldings and the occasional slaps in the face for that, and thinking it was worth it. But he was slowly becoming distant and I didn't know why.

Then one afternoon, he kind of hinted that he found a student's ID. He showed it to me but covered the girl's first name. Asked me if the girl was pretty....well, what could I say .."Yes, she is kind of. But 1st year, still young." but somehow in me I knew this may be the clue to his lack of concern for me. So I played along, pretending nothing's wrong. But then when Valentine's Day came and I didn't get any flowers or anything from him, I began to wonder. The girl from that lost ID was his ex-girlfriend and they were getting back together.

As a demo, his sister Michelle did something clever one day, told me to stay in her room while she asks Major Heartbreak what time he's going to visit his new girlfriend. So I listened from the other room, hoping he wouldn't say anything... but he did, and I heard "Around 5 pm, are you going with me?"... ouchie. Minutes later I confronted him but he had this look on his face that he wouldn't admit anything. I cried so much over this but he felt nothing for me anymore.

So I called 1987 a bad bad year because after all that miniscule effort, I still lost him. And the rage I had, I wanted to go and see him at  home to rearrange their furniture!!

When this fiasco in my life happened, it took me a while to just hide and not go out, not socialize with anyone. I felt so betrayed. I don't know where my mind went that time, but I couldn't do anything drastic anymore, having lost all my brownie points. Come to think of it, this was a relationship I kept so secret because my folks knew and were watching out for me during weekends that I don't escape. Then I've been scolded so many many times over my relationship with him and my ditching classes. I went to all that trouble for nothing :(

Things I remember:

  • The signet ring he gave me with RC initials on it. He said he sold his bike to have it made. Back story though, that was the ring he gave his ex-girlfriend when they were steady. Yes, her name is so close to mine just spell it differently. Yes! She's the one he was nursing a heartbreak over with when he first courted me. Yes, Michelle showed her crumpled photos to me and Lanie during our first few visits before.  Eureka! Panakip-butas lamang pala ako, Hajji Alejandro...huhuhu
  • So I remember her, Miss CS...yes, Michelle told me everything there was to know
  • Of course I would always remember  his younger sister, Michelle, who was often with me when he wasn't around. Thank God for her talking sense into me during those moments of misery.
  • The brown Volkswagen with plate number ABP111 - yes I still know, I think I was the daughter of an undercover agent :D
  • Ziggy cartoon character ..not my kind again.. I preferred CareBears
  • The drama of being away from him because of Christmas vacation
  • Those pearl earrings his mom gave me a week before he broke up with me, which he referred to as a bad omen
  • The small talk whether Phoebe Cates was prettier than Brooke Shields, who is really a careful driver when driving in a city, how to make diy bomb from foil with firecrackers, and some other juvenile stuff we used to talk about.
  • His aunt's house in a nearby town where he used to take me when he was on an errand for his mom (up to this day, this house visits me in my dream)
  • "Glory Of Love" was one of the top charts. He said that Karate Kid II was filmed in Hawaii. I didn't believe him and argued about that. Years later I always thought what a creep he was for making me so gullible. But hey, looking it up on Wikipedia now, yes indeed it was filmed in Hawaii! .. anyway, I held on to you Major Heartbreak when you said "I will always love you, I would never leave you alone"  hahaha
  • He said about me of  having a mole on my left shoulder would mean that I would bear a cross in this lifetime. Baloney, isn't it? Anyway, those were his lines a week before he broke up with me. But then there it goes, whenever I go through tough times I remember what he said. Monsters under the bed, just because you believe them. Oh yeah, have to add this one... according to what I've been told, ladies with moles on their shoulder would have lots of suitors. (habulin in pinoy lingo) doesn't matter, I still don't believe in superstitions
  • Now nothing to do with what I remember... but whenever I would meet a guy whose name begins with "R" I would say he's not good for me.
So there, when you get so heartbroken, you still remember a lot of things that you would rather delete from memory through hypnosis or ECT, but they are there..huhu

I've had the time to get up again when I attended summer class to make up for my back subject in Algebra. Summer was full of hope that I would recover. These were the times I listened to upbeat songs to cheer me up. The Final Countdown, Eye Of The Tiger, The Moment of Truth, Flashdance
Yes, even the songs from The Cascades album did that for me. Read Dale Carnegie's "How To Stop Worrying And Start Living" And I made myself believe that  there will be someone out there who loved me still - haha, why do I have to add this bit? because it happened, kind of the law of attraction thing, when I believed there are nice guys still there. I got that inspiration from Five Star's "Rain Or Shine" :)

Those were the 80's and this relationship with him was the reason why I became so paranoid with other guys that I suspected of lying to me. Meaning, I would always have that ESP or female intuition that something isn't right. Aww, I feel bad now...  like I've been punched in my solar plexus! :) :) :)

to give you an idea how dreadfully I looked like during this year 1986 December.. am that girl (far left)
 with white 3/4-sleeved polka dots, red pants and pink high-cut loafers
 photo 3-1_zpse2a271a2.jpg

#howdoyougetoveramajorheartbreak #howtodealwithamajorheartbreak #majorheartbreakquotes #writingimaginarysuicidenotes #reopenoldwounds

To my 15-year-old self, don't dwell on the rejection, it's temporary. The way he treats you does not define who you are, but maybe it says a little bit how he views himself. Allow yourself to feel the pain, don't keep covering it up by pretending to be oh-so-silly. There is a time to be quiet and simply cry it out; you will learn to make better choices in your relationships in the future...not all guys are like him! Don't let this prevent you from trusting someone again. And when you find this love of your life, make him feel always in love as if he won a great grand prize by being with you.

Now, for the best heartbreak songs of the 80s...
Hard to Say I'm Sorry by Chicago
Hello by Lionel Richie
Missing You by John Waite
All At Once by Whitney Houston
 Almost Over You by Sheena Easton
 Look Away by Chicago
 Against All Odds by Phil Collins
Separate Ways by Journey
Tell Me by Joey Albert
and get yourself a good cry with Endless Love

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Wordless Wednesday - Our Bonifacio Class Photo STHS 88

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(Not So) Wordless Wednesday - Our Batch 88 High School Grand Alumni Reunion

Hello again, friends!

Sharing photos from my recent high school grand alumni reunion STCS Batch'88 70th Anniversary Alumni Homecoming, photos not entirely mine but grabbed from my schoolmates' facebook accounts.

As you may well know, I love going to highschool reunions. I plan along with my schoolmates and this year, it was all worth it going!

our photo before the motorcade

That's me seated beside Brigida Soriano and Bernadette Santos, my long-lost friends from our third year

Here, I'm not in the camera's focus, but you can see me at the top left of the photo, as usual, speaking to our male high school batchmates.

                                      with a schoolmate, Ms Rose Cuison, an OFW from HK

Story here: I am not in the photo but I took the photo for these wonderful ladies.. this photo speaks for itself how happy and carefree we all were at that reunion, just like old times! (oh yeah, I didn't even get a selfie there.. too shy to speak up again haha)

Here I am seated at the lunch table with some schoolmates. Standing on the right is no other than Rusty (yes, the former bully now my bff)

With our friends here, most of them my hubby's friends

our time to go home at 12 midnight from the Star Plaza Hotel in Dagupan City

Here I am spotted again! That's me, dark blonde-haired one, holding an ice cream cone :) going back to my seat at the table (you can see the logo printed at the back of our Reunion T-Shirt)

Here again, I spotted myself busy texting.. "hey sons, I'm here at such a late hour at the Star Plaza Hotel with our friends" :D

haha, there I am covering myself with a shawl because the air-conditioning made me shiver. That's how comfy it is at the Star Plaza Hotel

this photo was taken during our Grand Alumni Ball

Thanks for the visit, friends!
Join the Wordless Wednesday Blog Hop today!
It's my April 4th entry, but just this time I didn't feature my hubby and I's wedding anniversary as I've posted about it already <3 I miss him in this highschool reunion, though..

Thanks for joining this bloghop:

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Just For Fun - What's Your 80s High School Stereotype?

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For The Love Of My Life ... Happy Anniversary

The love of my life and I have plenty of anniversaries, this one today being the day he first visited me at home :) just how sentimental I can get hehe

When was the first time you met him?

When they moved in next to us. It was the first time I actually met him and I realized he was the younger brother of this other batchmate we had who was talented in theater.

First Impression. Friendly and loves to chat. Told me even the funniest stories he already knew from our school. But I found him "overconfident". He was clearly not my type and yet I was taken aback when he had the courage to ask if I somebody has ever courted me. "You're pretty but your not my type I don't like girls who put on weight easily, or girls who are fair-skinned, or girls with physical defects" ... something like that. Ouch, my wounded ego! I made a mental note that I will never ever talk nor greet this guy again. So the rest of our high school year we never became friends.

Were you attracted to him? Attracted? During that time, if you had asked me I would be rolling on the floor laughing! But, no. It still amazes me though, how I learned to love him when we started being friends.

Were you friends before he became your bf? Yes. It's was the very first time I befriended a guy before the relationship moved on to steady. It was a long, long, long wait for him though and I was an uncaring person that year after having had so many heartbreaks. He courted me February 24th and I decided I liked him October 28th. It's a familiar joke to everyone whom we know. 

What are the things about him that you are thankful for? He has stood by me through good times and the bad - and I mean including the worst moments of our marriage. I'm glad also that I stayed with him despite all the odds that our family has been through. He has remained my friend. I have so many things to thank him for, just minute details that usually someone takes for granted.. but I see them always. 

 I'm also sharing the lyrics of this song that I recently unearthed somewhere. When I first heard it, the lyrics just stuck with me. It echoes our thoughts when we were still friends and not within the confined environment of highschool nor the neighborhood.  

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
The wind would whisper and I'd think of you
And all the tears you cried, that called my name
And when you needed me I came through
 paint a picture of the days gone by
When love went blind and you would make me see
I'd stare a lifetime into your eyes
So that I knew that you were there for me
Time after time, you were there for me

Remember yesterday, walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand, I remember you
Through the sleepless nights, through every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say, I remember you

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The Love Of My Life From 1989 ... Reynan

Great day, am inspired to write something lovely and nostalgic like I'm having a micro-party in my heart. I write without that literary talent - so I beg your pardon, and neither do I follow the rules of writing a plot. I'm like a painter that just grabs whatever color of paint he sees and just paints away whatever like an abstract painting created by a kindergartener.

I simply write from the heart, and whatever part of my brain that's connected to memory and emotions is what commands me to get those details to write about so accurately. Otherwise, I simply tend to forget details irrelevant to me.

My writing style, as rated by bloggers, is high-schoolish they say. Because I'm just that, writing to have fun. My self-rating though? I think my 12-year-old can write better content than me. Yey!

One word: Reynan
One description: the love of my life

The love of my life that God gave me in 1989 as I was praying that my current boyfriend have these qualities: to love me and no one else, to have eyes only for me (yes, not even allowed to watch his own steps), to be my bestfriend.

It was at the point of my adolescent years that I was getting confused why I try to please someone but it seems I am still not doing good enough, so there you would understand I was waiting for a change in someone or in my circumstances.

Then one night in February 1989, Reynan and his friends plus sister visited me at my house (just next door) which to me sounded like a simple chat to add to my social calendar of events. I just went along exchanging pleasantries and silly jokes - thinking this was another one of those "trying to be friendly" ideas of being my next-door neighbor. In my  mind, I still had that strange feeling from our early conversation in August 1987 when they first moved in next to our house. (We went to the same high school, had the same grade year and his classroom is next to ours. Yet what I heard from him before was first-hand gossip about who's who in school. Ah, and yes, I couldn't forget he asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said NONE because of my fear that he would tell my folks. And that night he also asked if my left foot injury was permanent - like what does he care?- yes of all things that I'm sensitive about! Plus he said something about my weight - STRIKE TWO. Good thing he didn't ask anything more because I was beginning to raise my left eyebrow to scare him off. Indeed, I said to myself, "The nerve")

And now that February 1989, there he was again from a long vacation somewhere after dropping out from college and gaining a bad reputation in our neighborhood. Mmm, nothing to say about that, please.

I was in my first year in college, second semester, doing okay in college, had a few close friends from that college and my bff's in the neighborhood which meant I was still the goody-two-shoes type and trying to make a good impression in class because I was a transferee from Manila. I was going steady with this other guy (PX) - who showed up on and off for 2 1/2 years, and we were going 3 years that time. Great change in our relationship was that beginning November 88 up to present I got to meet this boyfriend everyday at college where I slowly saw his true colors -  (that's the downside) It was also at this period in my life that I  learned to drink beer from December 1989, a habit that added a dent to my relationship with this other guy, and we quarreled a lot. With this other guy though, I held on and on that day February 22 1989 we just passed our 3rd year going steady period. Why I'm rambling on about this other guy - I'm trying to say I was okay, healing from hurt, being confused, then healing again. February 24, 1989, we just got back together.

But February 24, 1989 evening, I was opening up to Reynan about my situation - just to stop him right there from courting me - in a polite way. "I'm not available for a new relationship because my boyfriend and I are back together" Guess what Reynan said? :) "Then break-up with him, he doesn't deserve you" JUST LIKE THAT, HUH?!?  haha  So that was a warning bell. It sounded like telling me to return a shirt back to the store just because it didn't fit. In my mind I said, "does this guy know how much I love the other guy. Can he imagine the 3 years I sacrificed?" 

More than that was the truth:
1- I didn't love/like Reynan at that time
2- He has a bad reputation
3- He sounds so breezy thinking I could possibly fall in love with him
4- Last I heard, he is in a relationship

Yes, that was then, I never ever ever liked him (Pardon my wrong grammar/context that I talk like a relationship never happened, when in truth I married him)

So next night, five of them - Reynan and company returned to see me. I noticed four of them visited in pairs, with Reynan singled out (to be with me?) We had a polite chat, yes he was being strangely polite unlike the "guy next door" who is ******** in our neighborhood. The formality sure amazed me, he was so nice to me and respectful. Even when he joked about our puppy, he said sorry because I got offended. 

I don't quite remember what other topics we talked about, but I slowly noticed his sister was with her boyfriend and his brother was with a girl neighbor. Our family compound suddenly turned to Luneta Park at night, haha.  It looked like that if someone passed by our gate, but in my heart, it was different. I really had no interest whatsoever. I just wanted to get back to my room and read a book (and cry myself to sleep). 

But Reynan, of course, would tell me not to go yet. And on just this second night of meeting with me, he was already assuming and expecting much. That line, "if may pag-asa daw ba sya" PAUSE FOR ME. To say right then and there "Wala" would hurt him, so I pretended to think about it. I asked for one week (7 days) to think this over. He was beaming (ouch!) expecting that in 7 days we will be 'on'... my reaction secretly 'no!'. He even lamented that 7 days was too long, but he will wait... my reaction secretly "oh no, don't wait, it's not anything to be happy about" What a joke. With the other guys before, I would let them wait 10 days to 2 weeks, but would give hints that it's okay. But with Reynan, completely different story. Ah, yes, almost like Mr. Eeeks.

So for those 7 days of waiting I guess I didn't talk to him that much, pretending I was busy at school, and pretending I have no boyfriend anymore. Then THAT DAY came. We were at their garage together with his friends who left us much later. Now he asked for my answer. And I said, sorry you are not my type. Yes, I remember, I said there was something missing in him that I was looking for. [to my 17-year-old self: Richred, you must be looking for stars falling from the night sky as a sign that You Are Indeed In Love. That only happens in the movies. But yes, you should have demanded for it and not settled for less than that]

And with my reply, he laughed out loud and said something about plenty of girls so excited to be with him - so what is it that I couldn't find? (REALLY?! HA! WHERE ARE THEY?) I could feel myself being nauseous. But I just laughed along, yet cannot pretend that I wasn't impressed. I just replied, "Sorry, that's the truth" From that, on we went to just having small talk, jokes here and there. So I thought all went well and I was relieved, I couldn't believed all was good.

Buth then here's the catch, before I left him that afternoon to go back to our house forever, he politely asked if he could at least kiss me on the cheek. Kakaibang pambabasted, right? He was pretending we could just be friends and no hard feelings. So I said, it's okay. KISS that I could not believe just happened. It was something that made me so so angry inside, some detail that I would write in my diary as "that's all, let's forget it" Yes, it was just a kiss but to me, Reynan just crossed the line and I was so angry beyond imagination. (Now my 46 year old self, as I write this story, now understands what "Somewhere In My Past" meant. "You kissed me only once, but I kept wondrin' why ...it seems you kissed my lips so many times ... can it be true, could I be wrong.. that somewhere in my past there was also me and you) Hahaha wake up now!

So there I frowned and stomped out of their gate not saying anything more. From then on, this incident has been the source of my aversion/hate/grr for him and would cause us both to quarrel as neighbors/ give snide remarks when we became friends/ throw away the politeness we once had when we first knew each other/ say something like "hey, here's a secret but it's going to hurt your feelings" because we were that open to each other. Politeness turned to rudeness just like that.

(I so wish we had reversed that. I really tried so hard that we become like normal partners. But I guess there was never a day that we didn't fight like cat and dog. Even in a romantic place, where candlelights, music and flowers would set the mood - just one small frown from me would bother him and make him worry out loud)

Princess and the Pea and Beast from "Beauty and The Beast" Perfect match for the hecklers. Punch and Judy show.

I wish I knew more and seen more of his decent side during the '80s.. those about him I write of in my 87-88 diary entries while he was still that stranger... (what if our life/lives didn't turn out this way and he just became from 'my former neighbor who had a crush on me' to ' a schoolmate I would often see at a reunion' -haha- yes, we used to joke about that now. My answer was that I would completely ignore him at a reunion)

This was the Reynan from the earlier months before 1989.. a schoolmate from the next room in school who borrowed an Algebra book from me .. a faceless guy by our school corridor who got awestruck* or maybe was smiling at me one morning as I just entered the school gate and I smiled back, but seeing his friends push him toward me in jest - that scared me off and I ignored him, hurriedly walked to our classroom. (in my book, awestruck* means nangingisay pag nakita si crush)  ... Reynan, my distant relative/neighbor who escorted us going to church at the Misa De Gallo (Simbang Gabi) .. my new-kid-in-town-neighbor who would attend every nearby 'baile" dance party for weddings and oh no, open and close our common gate at the wee hours of the morning when he gets home (much to my mother's annoyance) And yuck, I remember the songs at the dance party "I Don't Go To USA" and "Thai Na Na" " (whatever) ... same neighbor who sat by the nearby shed at night with friends telling stories (yes, he was very chatty indeed) that I would hear them from my upstairs bedroom window ( I should have called the brgy patrol) ... oh yes, the Reynan often visited by his girlfriends who would wait by our porch while sending a messenger before getting to their house :) Revelation: Akala nyo di ko naririnig usapan nyo ha!... The Reynan who would sit by our swing at night (listening to my half-hearted piano-playing) to calm himself down, I guess. One time I overheard him outside explaining to his sisters what he was doing there "Nakikinig ng piano lang dito, pampakalma lang" (HAHAHA you made me sound like I was Cecile Licad or the likes of Ryan Cayabyab) .. Reynan who called me via long distance from Pangasinan to Manila to relay a message from my mom that I go home because she missed me. hey, Reynan, the alarm bells in Makati "may tumatawag kay Red, long distance, lalaki!" Kinabahan ako, akala ko si Prince Charming hahaha... 

Operator: " Miss Red, you have a long distance call from Reynan" 
Me:(relief, mayabang pero) "This is her, speaking" 
Reynan did not answer for 5 seconds, then 
"Red, si Reynan ito" 
"Ah, yes, ano yon?" hahaha 
It's unforgettable, I could get to the details of the conversation which took 2 minutes. I didn't thank him for helping my mother? I don't know. But after that phone call, my older cousins waited for an explanation why a boy was calling me long distance, as in they were going to be angry at me. "No one, just Reynan, our neighbor"

(to be continued) pramis!

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Happy Heart's Day 2018

Happy Heart's Day to everyone!

This song by Surface is one of those songs from the 80s that remind me how "oh so wonderful" it is to be in love over and over again! Need I say more? :) Enjoy the music...


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Recent Visitors

Presenting "A Day In Life" my series of texts from my journals that I kept between the ages of 14 and 17. I'll be adding new entries every now and then to share all my thoughts, ideas,events, experiences, memories, ideas I had during the eighties. It is for my continued amusement that I read and reread my old journals, even when there isn't much content, I still gain occasional insight how I'm still in the process of changing to maturity. Most of the names have been changed to protect the people I recently found on Facebook. A few are just partial entries, my bleeping and blinding exclamations have been removed and some entries have been modified to give way to my now correct spelling and grammar. Yet the mix of excitement, melodrama and pleasant memories from the eighties are still much felt :)I hope, as you read my old journal with me, you enjoy the same sentiments.