February 9,1986 - A Day In Life

Sunday 020986
Evening
Hello. I hope someone can help me. I'm drowning in tears. [I'm laughing at this now] Somethings making me feel awful. Maybe I'm excited to see PX but I still fell I love Ralph very much. I don't know why I can't leave a person I've never heard a word from except a cheery greeting. Why is this so? I know that God really let us meet but it was a wrong time to realize this. Even when I often seen him before, Ralph was always there but we never talked. It's okay. But I'm really losing interest in him now and my feelings are all going toward PX but I still like Ralph too. I don't want to push him away totally. I know we were not steady but I feel that we were before but really we weren't. [What did I really mean that time.. I don't know, I'm just copying the text now]. 

 Maybe there were two people in this world before who just looked like us and fell in love. Maybe Ralph and I are the ones here now. I don't want to hurt him. You might say he won't be hurt because he never got to know me well. But what do I really feel? I love him, I don't want to hurt him coz I know how it feels to be left. But Ralph and I were never on. Why?Why? Why? I know something's wrong, but what? I have no close friends right now who can explain to me what I'm really feeling.
I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Red

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