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For The Love Of My Life ... Happy Anniversary

The love of my life and I have plenty of anniversaries, this one today being the day he first visited me at home :) just how sentimental I can get hehe

When was the first time you met him?

When they moved in next to us. It was the first time I actually met him and I realized he was the younger brother of this other batchmate we had who was talented in theater.

First Impression. Friendly and loves to chat. Told me even the funniest stories he already knew from our school. But I found him "overconfident". He was clearly not my type and yet I was taken aback when he had the courage to ask if I somebody has ever courted me. "You're pretty but your not my type I don't like girls who put on weight easily, or girls who are fair-skinned, or girls with physical defects" ... something like that. Ouch, my wounded ego! I made a mental note that I will never ever talk nor greet this guy again. So the rest of our high school year we never became friends.

Were you attracted to him? Attracted? During that time, if you had asked me I would be rolling on the floor laughing! But, no. It still amazes me though, how I learned to love him when we started being friends.

Were you friends before he became your bf? Yes. It's was the very first time I befriended a guy before the relationship moved on to steady. It was a long, long, long wait for him though and I was an uncaring person that year after having had so many heartbreaks. He courted me February 24th and I decided I liked him October 28th. It's a familiar joke to everyone whom we know. 

What are the things about him that you are thankful for? He has stood by me through good times and the bad - and I mean including the worst moments of our marriage. I'm glad also that I stayed with him despite all the odds that our family has been through. He has remained my friend. I have so many things to thank him for, just minute details that usually someone takes for granted.. but I see them always. 

 I'm also sharing the lyrics of this song that I recently unearthed somewhere. When I first heard it, the lyrics just stuck with me. It echoes our thoughts when we were still friends and not within the confined environment of highschool nor the neighborhood.  

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
The wind would whisper and I'd think of you
And all the tears you cried, that called my name
And when you needed me I came through
 paint a picture of the days gone by
When love went blind and you would make me see
I'd stare a lifetime into your eyes
So that I knew that you were there for me
Time after time, you were there for me

Remember yesterday, walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand, I remember you
Through the sleepless nights, through every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say, I remember you

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The Love Of My Life From 1989 ... Reynan

Great day, am inspired to write something lovely and nostalgic like I'm having a micro-party in my heart. I write without that literary talent - so I beg your pardon, and neither do I follow the rules of writing a plot. I'm like a painter that just grabs whatever color of paint he sees and just paints away whatever like an abstract painting created by a kindergartener.

I simply write from the heart, and whatever part of my brain that's connected to memory and emotions is what commands me to get those details to write about so accurately. Otherwise, I simply tend to forget details irrelevant to me.

My writing style, as rated by bloggers, is high-schoolish they say. Because I'm just that, writing to have fun. My self-rating though? I think my 12-year-old can write better content than me. Yey!

One word: Reynan
One description: the love of my life

The love of my life that God gave me in 1989 as I was praying that my current boyfriend have these qualities: to love me and no one else, to have eyes only for me (yes, not even allowed to watch his own steps), to be my bestfriend.

It was at the point of my adolescent years that I was getting confused why I try to please someone but it seems I am still not doing good enough, so there you would understand I was waiting for a change in someone or in my circumstances.

Then one night in February 1989, Reynan and his friends plus sister visited me at my house (just next door) which to me sounded like a simple chat to add to my social calendar of events. I just went along exchanging pleasantries and silly jokes - thinking this was another one of those "trying to be friendly" ideas of being my next-door neighbor. In my  mind, I still had that strange feeling from our early conversation in August 1987 when they first moved in next to our house. (We went to the same high school, had the same grade year and his classroom is next to ours. Yet what I heard from him before was first-hand gossip about who's who in school. Ah, and yes, I couldn't forget he asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said NONE because of my fear that he would tell my folks. And that night he also asked if my left foot injury was permanent - like what does he care?- yes of all things that I'm sensitive about! Plus he said something about my weight - STRIKE TWO. Good thing he didn't ask anything more because I was beginning to raise my left eyebrow to scare him off. Indeed, I said to myself, "The nerve")

And now that February 1989, there he was again from a long vacation somewhere after dropping out from college and gaining a bad reputation in our neighborhood. Mmm, nothing to say about that, please.

I was in my first year in college, second semester, doing okay in college, had a few close friends from that college and my bff's in the neighborhood which meant I was still the goody-two-shoes type and trying to make a good impression in class because I was a transferee from Manila. I was going steady with this other guy (PX) - who showed up on and off for 2 1/2 years, and we were going 3 years that time. Great change in our relationship was that beginning November 88 up to present I got to meet this boyfriend everyday at college where I slowly saw his true colors -  (that's the downside) It was also at this period in my life that I  learned to drink beer from December 1989, a habit that added a dent to my relationship with this other guy, and we quarreled a lot. With this other guy though, I held on and on that day February 22 1989 we just passed our 3rd year going steady period. Why I'm rambling on about this other guy - I'm trying to say I was okay, healing from hurt, being confused, then healing again. February 24, 1989, we just got back together.

But February 24, 1989 evening, I was opening up to Reynan about my situation - just to stop him right there from courting me - in a polite way. "I'm not available for a new relationship because my boyfriend and I are back together" Guess what Reynan said? :) "Then break-up with him, he doesn't deserve you" JUST LIKE THAT, HUH?!?  haha  So that was a warning bell. It sounded like telling me to return a shirt back to the store just because it didn't fit. In my mind I said, "does this guy know how much I love the other guy. Can he imagine the 3 years I sacrificed?" 

More than that was the truth:
1- I didn't love/like Reynan at that time
2- He has a bad reputation
3- He sounds so breezy thinking I could possibly fall in love with him
4- Last I heard, he is in a relationship

Yes, that was then, I never ever ever liked him (Pardon my wrong grammar/context that I talk like a relationship never happened, when in truth I married him)

So next night, five of them - Reynan and company returned to see me. I noticed four of them visited in pairs, with Reynan singled out (to be with me?) We had a polite chat, yes he was being strangely polite unlike the "guy next door" who is ******** in our neighborhood. The formality sure amazed me, he was so nice to me and respectful. Even when he joked about our puppy, he said sorry because I got offended. 

I don't quite remember what other topics we talked about, but I slowly noticed his sister was with her boyfriend and his brother was with a girl neighbor. Our family compound suddenly turned to Luneta Park at night, haha.  It looked like that if someone passed by our gate, but in my heart, it was different. I really had no interest whatsoever. I just wanted to get back to my room and read a book (and cry myself to sleep). 

But Reynan, of course, would tell me not to go yet. And on just this second night of meeting with me, he was already assuming and expecting much. That line, "if may pag-asa daw ba sya" PAUSE FOR ME. To say right then and there "Wala" would hurt him, so I pretended to think about it. I asked for one week (7 days) to think this over. He was beaming (ouch!) expecting that in 7 days we will be 'on'... my reaction secretly 'no!'. He even lamented that 7 days was too long, but he will wait... my reaction secretly "oh no, don't wait, it's not anything to be happy about" What a joke. With the other guys before, I would let them wait 10 days to 2 weeks, but would give hints that it's okay. But with Reynan, completely different story. Ah, yes, almost like Mr. Eeeks.

So for those 7 days of waiting I guess I didn't talk to him that much, pretending I was busy at school, and pretending I have no boyfriend anymore. Then THAT DAY came. We were at their garage together with his friends who left us much later. Now he asked for my answer. And I said, sorry you are not my type. Yes, I remember, I said there was something missing in him that I was looking for. [to my 17-year-old self: Richred, you must be looking for stars falling from the night sky as a sign that You Are Indeed In Love. That only happens in the movies. But yes, you should have demanded for it and not settled for less than that]

And with my reply, he laughed out loud and said something about plenty of girls so excited to be with him - so what is it that I couldn't find? (REALLY?! HA! WHERE ARE THEY?) I could feel myself being nauseous. But I just laughed along, yet cannot pretend that I wasn't impressed. I just replied, "Sorry, that's the truth" From that, on we went to just having small talk, jokes here and there. So I thought all went well and I was relieved, I couldn't believed all was good.

Buth then here's the catch, before I left him that afternoon to go back to our house forever, he politely asked if he could at least kiss me on the cheek. Kakaibang pambabasted, right? He was pretending we could just be friends and no hard feelings. So I said, it's okay. KISS that I could not believe just happened. It was something that made me so so angry inside, some detail that I would write in my diary as "that's all, let's forget it" Yes, it was just a kiss but to me, Reynan just crossed the line and I was so angry beyond imagination. (Now my 46 year old self, as I write this story, now understands what "Somewhere In My Past" meant. "You kissed me only once, but I kept wondrin' why ...it seems you kissed my lips so many times ... can it be true, could I be wrong.. that somewhere in my past there was also me and you) Hahaha wake up now!

So there I frowned and stomped out of their gate not saying anything more. From then on, this incident has been the source of my aversion/hate/grr for him and would cause us both to quarrel as neighbors/ give snide remarks when we became friends/ throw away the politeness we once had when we first knew each other/ say something like "hey, here's a secret but it's going to hurt your feelings" because we were that open to each other. Politeness turned to rudeness just like that.

(I so wish we had reversed that. I really tried so hard that we become like normal partners. But I guess there was never a day that we didn't fight like cat and dog. Even in a romantic place, where candlelights, music and flowers would set the mood - just one small frown from me would bother him and make him worry out loud)

Princess and the Pea and Beast from "Beauty and The Beast" Perfect match for the hecklers. Punch and Judy show.

I wish I knew more and seen more of his decent side during the '80s.. those about him I write of in my 87-88 diary entries while he was still that stranger... (what if our life/lives didn't turn out this way and he just became from 'my former neighbor who had a crush on me' to ' a schoolmate I would often see at a reunion' -haha- yes, we used to joke about that now. My answer was that I would completely ignore him at a reunion)

This was the Reynan from the earlier months before 1989.. a schoolmate from the next room in school who borrowed an Algebra book from me .. a faceless guy by our school corridor who got awestruck* or maybe was smiling at me one morning as I just entered the school gate and I smiled back, but seeing his friends push him toward me in jest - that scared me off and I ignored him, hurriedly walked to our classroom. (in my book, awestruck* means nangingisay pag nakita si crush)  ... Reynan, my distant relative/neighbor who escorted us going to church at the Misa De Gallo (Simbang Gabi) .. my new-kid-in-town-neighbor who would attend every nearby 'baile" dance party for weddings and oh no, open and close our common gate at the wee hours of the morning when he gets home (much to my mother's annoyance) And yuck, I remember the songs at the dance party "I Don't Go To USA" and "Thai Na Na" " (whatever) ... same neighbor who sat by the nearby shed at night with friends telling stories (yes, he was very chatty indeed) that I would hear them from my upstairs bedroom window ( I should have called the brgy patrol) ... oh yes, the Reynan often visited by his girlfriends who would wait by our porch while sending a messenger before getting to their house :) Revelation: Akala nyo di ko naririnig usapan nyo ha!... The Reynan who would sit by our swing at night (listening to my half-hearted piano-playing) to calm himself down, I guess. One time I overheard him outside explaining to his sisters what he was doing there "Nakikinig ng piano lang dito, pampakalma lang" (HAHAHA you made me sound like I was Cecile Licad or the likes of Ryan Cayabyab) .. Reynan who called me via long distance from Pangasinan to Manila to relay a message from my mom that I go home because she missed me. hey, Reynan, the alarm bells in Makati "may tumatawag kay Red, long distance, lalaki!" Kinabahan ako, akala ko si Prince Charming hahaha... 

Operator: " Miss Red, you have a long distance call from Reynan" 
Me:(relief, mayabang pero) "This is her, speaking" 
Reynan did not answer for 5 seconds, then 
"Red, si Reynan ito" 
"Ah, yes, ano yon?" hahaha 
It's unforgettable, I could get to the details of the conversation which took 2 minutes. I didn't thank him for helping my mother? I don't know. But after that phone call, my older cousins waited for an explanation why a boy was calling me long distance, as in they were going to be angry at me. "No one, just Reynan, our neighbor"

(to be continued) pramis!

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Happy Heart's Day 2018

Happy Heart's Day to everyone!

This song by Surface is one of those songs from the 80s that remind me how "oh so wonderful" it is to be in love over and over again! Need I say more? :) Enjoy the music...


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Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! <3 <3 <3

Am getting into my sentimental moods these days and simply want to share this lovely song from the 80s.. truly brings me to tears.. hehe.. it's February 13 and I'm having these #onthisday #throwback music on my facebook timeline and having this best days of my life link sharing.. just find them :here: and here too

Just for today, I thought of posting because it's Valentine's Day tomorrow! and yes, the truth is... I'm just missing someone :)

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80's Movie Meme - Give Me Five 1984

One of the funny movies I watched when I was 13 in 1984 was Give Me Five starring Tito, Vic and Joey, introducing Pops Fernandez. Also starring  was child star Jaypee De Guzman and other supporting actors always cast with Tito Vic and Joey trio in every movie.

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March 23,1988 - A Day In Life

March 23,1988 A Day In Life

Hello! I really should've written here yesterday but I was very depressed on something even though I was walking in cloud nine because of something great that happened to me!

So I'll start that very significant day from the morning. Of course, there was our practice for the graduation rites 1988. It so happened that Desiree and I were chatting near the stairway of the Third Year building when Brendon just came by and went to see me right away .. he was asking for my photo, Brian was asking for it, naks! Eh the problem was I have no recent photo, so I didn't reply. Then some schoolmates who saw us talking just teased us, made fun of him...Desiree felt embarrassed so the two of us went back to our classroom. A few minutes later, Brendon was there again and loudly asked, "When will you give me a photo? Tomorrow?"  I just said, "Yes." How furious I had been, but I kept to myself, because I had lots of explanations needed and questions to be answered by him. But all I can say whenever I see him, "You're always making fun of me!"

Before our graduation rites practice in the morning was to end, I heard some schoolmates of mine say that Mr. Algebra has the NCEE result for Top Ten students. Later, I saw him and Mr. Petilla smiling at me and I think they were talking about me too. I was worried. "Maybe I failed the NCEE exams and they remember me getting that Letter of Recommendation for  college. What a shame!" I thought to myself.

Before I went home, I went to Lanie's house first. I needed to confide in her about this latest news especially about the NCEE results. And she tried to assure me, even saying, "Maybe you are one of the Top Ten, that's why they were smiling at you." I looked sadder and quietly replied, "Hey friend, I never dream of that happening, you know me, if I'll fail I would runaway forever!" We just laughed.

On that afternoon, Naning and I went to school and agreed to meet each other after dismissal time because we were going to visit Ate Mimie at the hospital who just gave birth (will write about that later)  As we walked toward the school gates, someone from Aguinaldo class told me I was ONE OF THE TOP TEN! WHAT!!!!! I told her: "Please don't play a joke on me, don't make me cry..." She grabbed my hand excitedly and led me inside the school campus. "No,really, let's see..." As soon as I entered the school, heads were turned in my direction especially the faculty - even Ms Jane who was smiling ear-to-ear [it just means now, she is really a special teacher to me. As if this is my statement for her that I wasn't the stupid student she thought I was] and most especially, Mrs Tamondong who was excited and encouraging me to take up a Medicine course instead. All I heard was "congrats" "congrats" "blowout!"  I was so happy, so very happy like I was walking high in the sky(walking on cloud nine) that I haven't noticed Brendon was there too (And I forgot to tell you about my observation of him yesterday, he was so sad, trying to joke around but his sad eyes are really obvious) He glanced my way again today and reminded me about the photo, I just nodded.  Then our graduation practice  started. After the practice, most of the students went their own way roaming about the school campus or going home. Brendon I've seen by the library, later at the Faculty department later at our Bonifacio classroom. I was at the Triangle shed all that time, some friends and schoolmates congratulated me, making small talk. Then I saw him, me thinking he was going out already as he was speaking to Tricks, I tried to use mental telepathy to make him return but it didn't work out. So I just acted on impulse, got up and walked to the gate pretending I was going already - which meant I went past Brendon and Tricks. Then Tricks saw me and congratulated me, then Brendon (who didn't ever congratulate me!) told me HIS BROD really wants to have my photo and that HIS BROD always asks him about me. If I were really some crazy lady, maybe I would've laughed out loud so hard. "O tsige" was all I replied.

After school hours, Naning and I went to Dagupan. I was so sad because something unexpected and tearful happened... yes, Ate Mimie gave birth already but even though I haven't seen her baby at that moment, I could sense something was wrong. She sounded weak as she answered us where her baby is. The baby is at the nursery room when  Naning and I went to see. But tsk, tsk, tsk... the baby was not well and we could see his life is 50-50 because his head is jerking as the nurse (Ate Mimie's sister) is treating him. Uncle Pepe was there too and looked so depressed. Really sad. Then Naning and I went back to Ate Mimie's hospital room to chat with her. We were told not to tell her anything but act normal as if everything is alright. Naning and I were just there describing how the baby looks like and I fell so sorry for her as she has never seen the baby because she is on dextrose. Ate Mimie told us to get a ride with her parents on the way home later because it was getting late. A few minutes later, here comes Ate Mimie's parents, Tatang and Nanang (as they are fondly called). They looked worried and in a hurry. They saw us there and called for Naning to buy snacks outside. Naning took a long while to come back, maybe 15 minutes, then came back carrying bottles of Coke. She told me right away, whispering: "The baby died... but we shouldn't tell Ate Mimie." OH NO! I cried. What a loss for them, the baby was cute, even big for a newborn, how come? Doctor said the baby had cysts in his lungs. An angel to look over us...

Well, dear diary, I'm sad to say that I have to continue my report about the significant events that happened TODAY because it's past 11 already and I feel tired... So 'til tomorrow night.

I Love Brian. I Love Brendon.

Richred <3


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March 18, 1988 - A Day In Life

March 18, 1988

Hi! Sorry for not reporting the news yesterday because I was so-so-so heartbroken and at the same time overwhelmed of something  that should've made me glad yesterday.

I went to school yesterday at past 7, yes it was late but then classes are getting irregular these days. Not much students going there now, except those like us who plan to go somewhere after school, simply meeting up with our friends there. As soon as I arrived, I sat down at the Triangle shed together with Amy, Virginia, Imelda, Vangie and others while we were waiting for something (?) I've been there for half an hour already when one by one the students were leaving. Then Brendon entered the school gates but my heart did now  beat wildly this time (GOOD!)

After a while, Amy and I were talking, then she asked,"Do you know someone named Brian?"
Me: (suddenly surprised, and stood up) "Ha? Why, what about him?" Now there, I was really interested and got hurt..
Amy: "Isn't Brian, Ms Jane's BF?"
Me: "That's not true, I heard they are cousins-"
Amy:(didn't let me finish) "No, because Vangie told me so!"
Me: (kind of piqued already) "Hmm, so who told that to Vangie?"
Amy: "Michael"
Me: "How come?!" (still really not believing)
Amy: "Michael is Vangie's bestfriend. Vangie told me Ms Jane's BF is Brian, didn't you tell me something about Brian?"
Me: "No, I didn't." [I don't remember confiding those kinds of things to anyone, not even Amy by bestfriend/seatmate, until I was sure] Then I remembered, it was Daryl...ayyy!

And after that Amy and I just talked about other things, but despite that, I felt bad really close to crying, but I cannot let it show. TSE!!! STOP! STOP! STOP! I tell myself whenever I remember everything Brendon has said.

And this other news, I should've written yesterday too but then it would remind me of the Brendon, Brian,Dean brothers because this guy's name is Brian also.

DIRECTLY TO THE POINT: I saw Brian Amor again! (from 1985, cute eyes, college boy from Lyceum) Desiree, Sandra and I were riding a commuter jeepney on our way to Elisa's Cinema when I saw this guy riding in another jeepney as we stopped in traffic. He smiled. then he's gone.. but wait.. that's not all, something else shocking happened...[trust me, I was overreacting!] .. He was with his friend and they got off the jeepney and transferred to the one we were riding in! How overwhelming!

Me: "Hi!" (keep smiling, keep shining!)
Brian: "Where are you going?"
Me: (Sorry, God, I lied) "Just there, my friend's house"
Brian:" Uh.. what is your name again?"
Me:"Ha...eh..." (Bad, he forgot my name, aha...!) "Richred"
Desiree: "Let's go down now.." That's at the Luzon Colleges still. But Desiree was anxious for me already. [my friends were all the conservative kind, they don't want boys chasing us]
Me:(to Desiree) "Ok, sige" (to Brian) "Eh, we're stopping here now"
Brian: "Okay, we'll stop here too." Yaiiks

As were were walking, going toward Elisa's Cinema, I whispered to Desiree and Sandra, "Buenas, Desiree! Why is this happening?" Desiree smiled, a knowing smile. They went walking ahead of me, and as I walked as slow as I can but I'm thinking why and what for?

Then Brian called me again, "Where are you in Mangaldan?"
Me: (I didn't lie this time) "Just the private school near the Catholic church, just ask my schoolmates" [haha, was I so popular then? haha I don't think so. Just that my name is foreign-sounding]
Brian: (still not getting it clear) "What room  number?"
Me: (Ohmygosh, making sure to find me!) "Just tell my name and ask for me"
Brian: "What's your last name?"
Me: "Buelchmann"
Brian: "I beg your pardon?"
Me: (Haay, my blood is beginning to boil, smile) "Buelchmann .. ah, basta.. I knew you know it already before"
Brian: "Okay, see you, nice meeting you..."
Me: (so glad he's going now) I quickly walked to keep pace with Desiree and Sandra as we were near the cinema already. We hurriedly walked to the Elisa's Cinema entrance. And as we were paying for our movie tickets, out of the corner of my eye I saw Brian and his friend 30 meters away approaching, so after paying for our tickets we ran inside the movie theater to avoid then and the three of us were giggling  like crazy...!

Hmm, I think I don't like Brian now, because he's not-so handsome anymore unlike before he was so like Robby Rosa when he's dressed up [read: so 80's] Now he's just plain Brian Amor! And he acts to presko that day as if he can find me and is still welcome in my life. Tsooo late, my darling, because I'll be leaving for Manila soon and no one can stop me! Nevah!!! [ I was trying to sound like Maricel Soriano in 'Taray and Teroy']

Richred <3

P.S. I still like Brian (Brendon's brod)  very much!

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Presenting "A Day In Life" my series of texts from my journals that I kept between the ages of 14 and 17. I'll be adding new entries every now and then to share all my thoughts, ideas,events, experiences, memories, ideas I had during the eighties. It is for my continued amusement that I read and reread my old journals, even when there isn't much content, I still gain occasional insight how I'm still in the process of changing to maturity. Most of the names have been changed to protect the people I recently found on Facebook. A few are just partial entries, my bleeping and blinding exclamations have been removed and some entries have been modified to give way to my now correct spelling and grammar. Yet the mix of excitement, melodrama and pleasant memories from the eighties are still much felt :)I hope, as you read my old journal with me, you enjoy the same sentiments.