Heart Of The 80s

Saturday
022286
Evening

Dear Diary,

Hello! Hello! Hello! Everything's fine! Everything is alright! PX and me are officially on as sweethearts!

Just like that, when we were on our date today.. he hugged/ embraced  me.. I was so happy, this means we really are sweethearts! Ahahaaaay! Chill to the bones was what I felt but I didn't make that obvious. [Yes, dear readers, hugs and embraces already meant something for me then, life was that simple]

I know he loves me so much because he cares so much for me to speak the truth if I still love someone else from my past relationship. He said he feels I still love someone somewhere (though I haven't told him anything) but I assured and swore that he will be the only one.. he asked: "Red, until FOREVER?" I had no comment but to smile sweetly. [Yes, in my heart I really meant yes. Dear readers, allow me to clue you in some more.. I held on to my promise for quite a long time, and it was a very very long time. As you will find in these series of old diary entries we were on in 1986 and still on in 1988. Ha-ha, will I then say what Liz Taylor said about her love for Richard Burton? Haha, I really don't know, I'm just kidding here]

PX is still not sure with me, even joked about me finding another guy. Isn't that silly? Why is he insecure about that, isn't it obvious already?  ... But then I feel jealous really about his former girlfriend. He told me a few things about her, and I wonder how they broke up. Scary to think of, I don't want that to happen to me. I know he still cares for her, he's still wearing her ring. I heard about that story from Betty, when we first met PX in January 17th, that his ex-gf and him exchanged class rings and I feel uneasy. [now I find that story quite odd, because all that time he had a soldier's class ring -  the one with a ruby in it. It must be his own ring, handed down by his brother from PMA] 

Well, PX will be gone for about five days. He will be going to Baguio to see his father. [that was always the story] I'll be left alone in a sour world. I thought I could have the stars in a split second but then, the gray clouds covered it and it's beginning to rain. [what poetry, huh?]

I love him, I love him, he's the only one I love and no one else! Not even Ralph, he is just a special mention in my list

Dear God, please bless PX and me. Please make our relationship stronger to last forever.

I love PX!

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Friday
022186
Evening

Hello! Hello! Hello! He loves me! He loves me! He finally said that he loves me! But I can't utter the words "I love you" to him when he asked me to... but well I just acted wacky by giggling about it then just changing the subject by joking. But deep inside I really love him! Yes, really!!!

Why can't I say the same? Is something holding me back? Is it Ralph? [Yes, Ralph is only more of a fictional character] No, not this time!

But well, as of now, I love PX! Haay! I'm really going crazy!! The problem is what if he finds me boring, then he will surely split from me. and if I see him with another girl, Ate Baybee will now dare me what to do. hehehe  (hey! PX and I still didn't have one complete date, jealousy creeps!) But again, on summer vacation, no PX, no Ralph because I can't go there.. because I might be going to summer remedial class for my algebra.. and because PX will not be here too because he will spend summer in Laguna. WHAT? Yes.. I hope he changes his mind. Isn't it supposed to be.. 'till death do us part? :)

Ok, then, I'm getting high blooded again, kitam!

I love you PX!

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Thursday 022086
Evening

Hello! A miracle - why the cheery greeting? I got a tear-jerky letter from Lara. It says:

Dear Ate Red,
Hi, Hello I hope you're fine, like me. Ate Red, I'm not mad at you I even had a letter for you before but he gave it to your mom when they were in Manila. I hope you understand me because almost everyday I have plenty of assignments in school.

Did you know one time we happened to pass by Palpakman you know why I called him palpak, because he doesn't look handsome anymore, he's "babalu" already (Gosh! Don't hurt my feelings, I know it's not true, i love him, i love him, he's my RR, please!!!!) Dong said, " Hey Robby, Ate Red has a crush on you!" Good thing Ralph didn't hear him, it would have been embarrassing.

How is everybody there? I hope everything is ok. 

BYE-BYE.

Always loving you,
Lara

My dear younger cousin, Lara, really cares for my feelings! wah! I hope she didn't write all that about Ralph coz I've been telling her a hundred zillion times to choose good, better, best words about Ralph. Golly, if that's how she feels.. then it's okay, I can't influence her.  And is it true, that Ralph has forgotten all about me? He hasn't heard what Dong said, what's the meaning of this... when I went back home here in the province he now has amnesia not even speaking to my cousins.

Well, this summer, I make sure to take a long vacation there.. if PX and I will split. (it's an i love you, i hate you, no decision here) I miss Ralph, how's he? If only I was there...am I crazee - more crazee than the talk of the town [it's an 80s lyric]

Well, tomorrow is PX day. Will see him again. I like and <3 PX as long as he understands and loves me very much!

Red

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021986
Wednesday
Evening

Hello! I don't understand what I feel. Perhaps I'm beginning to feel icky on such matters between PX and me. We are sort of having a problem today. We are beginning to have a gap and I know it's me again! I had to admit though he has also part of a fault. No, we didn't go cat and dog fight.[:-D] Just like that, we have a gap.

I know that he's getting to sense the truth I am hiding. Gosh! I'm trying to cover everything!Just so he cannot trace / follow me. I hid my home location - I said there at Bucarillo Road [that was where my nieces Faye, Olive and nephews Bacon and Matt lived] - yes that's the place I said, anyway, Cat's there to ha-ha! [Cat is my cousin, father of the four] On March 6-7, our town's fiesta, I'm going to get away for awhile from our town, coz plenty of friends what to visit me AT HOME! [visitors are a big NO for me then, my mom was strict]

Our date on Sunday is cancelled, because I feel so nervous again! I lied that I'm going to Baguio City, and he even replied he wants to go with me when he visits his dad at PMA..what!! ow?  I'm crazee or what?!! And what if I really tried to go on my own?[these are the kind of  scary risks I would stop teens from getting into]
Oh what fun!!And if I go with him to Baguio City, oh what a lovely date! And what if I really went and said goodbye to him that, "I'll go to Baguio City" Then he will ask what I'll be doing there, I'll just say I just want to be alone, to think about my life... Silly!  But well, I'm really planning to. It's impossible if he won't go with me. We are boyfriend/girlfriend. But the real date would be on Saturday yet. I'm feeling ultra-shy already because of that, I must learn to be aggressive.. hehe! [there again, I was exaggerating, you think I was about to do some hanky-panky]

Oh, no, now I realize we didn't have one complete date yet and we are having problems.I'm in great doubt if PX really loves me. Anyway, when the time comes, I better have a fine heart that can accept such words, as : "I hate You" "Let's not see each other anymore" "Break na tayo" [ means We are through] "Why is your attitude like a child's?" ..etc,etc,etc...

I would only smile no matter how mad he will be but if I'd have a chance to be alone after being shouted at, I'd surely *bleep* the city and *bleep* in his town also. [war zone terms there, oh my! .. and did you notice my mood swings then. hahaha]  PX, 143 in reverse!

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021886
Tuesday
Evening

Good evening, dear diary. My uncle from Germany has not arrived, I overheard my mom and cousins saying he changed his plans of traveling because of the Marcos-Aquino Elections.

Well, that means we could go back home to the province early tomorrow! Why am I glad? 'coz I want to see PX. I cried last night about this sudden emergency that I had to go to Manila. I hate such things that, example: there are two sweethearts then one day, the other will leave without the other's permission or good bye. [I was really melodramatic as a teen, hehe] Just like that when I left Ralph in Tuguegarao, just like leaving PX. But anyway, I'll be home tomorrow.

I don't know still what to do about PX since the last time we talked. I love him. I miss him, I feel like... whammo! [that means full of energy]   :))

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Monday
021786
Evening 9:30PM
Hello. I can't sleep because I think I have to analyze some things very well.

I can't forget what PX said "I'm really in love with you." He gently held my hand. I beamed with joy! I wanted to say something really witty. I almost wanted to hug him! oh no, that's an oops. You know, when we look at each other, I feel like the earth just stops going around, that the clocks stop ticking. I feel like something special would happen - (what? What's that?) Maybe there's only 7 inch distance between me and PX when we look at each others face. I'm super in love! He's the most super guy I've been with so far and a Robby Rosa look-alike even!

But, there's still a problem - no, not that situation again! - it's ES the second (this other guy from the next street), wants to court me too. Oh no! Why just now when I will now have an official boyfriend?! Why is it when a lady has a boyfriend, that's when her past crushes get interested in her now? Yes, that was me with a lot of crushes and boy-crazy! But since Ralph came to my life, I tied my heart and mostly fixed my eyes on books. But still became physically absent and mentally present in class. [if there was such a word, I must've been exaggerating]

Ah, I love him! Good night,PX!

Red

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Monday
121786
Evening

Everdearest Diary,
We are going to Manila tomorrow kasi I'm badly needed and I'm in danger co'z I don't know how to get my way by not going there this time. What am I going to do, I have not said anything to PX yet.

I saw PX unexpectedly this afternoon. He really said he is in love with me. I almost melted, I almost wanted to kiss him and tell him "Iluvyouverymuch" but then I'm really watching my brains so that I won't go wacky! I don't understand why I am so silent when I'm with PX. Perhaps something is wrong with me.

I like to explain something to PX before we totally go together.[what a term I use for steady] I think it's about my situation, my mother's situation. [my mother was strict, so very very strict] Surely he won't understand, he doesn't know the real me. He doesn't know this girl he admires.

I hope God makes me brave enough to say to PX my personal situation.

I Love PX!!! (1,000,000,000,000x)

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