Heart Of The 80s

FRIDAY
Evening
March 18, 1988

Hi! Sorry for not reporting the news yesterday because I was so-so-so heartbroken and at the same time overwhelmed of something  that should've made me glad yesterday.

I went to school yesterday at past 7, yes it was late but then classes are getting irregular these days. Not much students going there now, except those like us who plan to go somewhere after school, simply meeting up with our friends there. As soon as I arrived, I sat down at the Triangle shed together with Amy, Virginia, Imelda, Vangie and others while we were waiting for something (?) I've been there for half an hour already when one by one the students were leaving. Then Brendon entered the school gates but my heart did now  beat wildly this time (GOOD!)

After a while, Amy and I were talking, then she asked,"Do you know someone named Brian?"
Me: (suddenly surprised, and stood up) "Ha? Why, what about him?" Now there, I was really interested and got hurt..
Amy: "Isn't Brian, Ms Jane's BF?"
Me: "That's not true, I heard they are cousins-"
Amy:(didn't let me finish) "No, because Vangie told me so!"
Me: (kind of piqued already) "Hmm, so who told that to Vangie?"
Amy: "Michael"
Me: "How come?!" (still really not believing)
Amy: "Michael is Vangie's bestfriend. Vangie told me Ms Jane's BF is Brian, didn't you tell me something about Brian?"
Me: "No, I didn't." [I don't remember confiding those kinds of things to anyone, not even Amy by bestfriend/seatmate, until I was sure] Then I remembered, it was Daryl...ayyy!

And after that Amy and I just talked about other things, but despite that, I felt bad really close to crying, but I cannot let it show. TSE!!! STOP! STOP! STOP! I tell myself whenever I remember everything Brendon has said.

And this other news, I should've written yesterday too but then it would remind me of the Brendon, Brian,Dean brothers because this guy's name is Brian also.

DIRECTLY TO THE POINT: I saw Brian Amor again! (from 1985, cute eyes, college boy from Lyceum) Desiree, Sandra and I were riding a commuter jeepney on our way to Elisa's Cinema when I saw this guy riding in another jeepney as we stopped in traffic. He smiled. then he's gone.. but wait.. that's not all, something else shocking happened...[trust me, I was overreacting!] .. He was with his friend and they got off the jeepney and transferred to the one we were riding in! How overwhelming!

Brian:"Hello.."
Me: "Hi!" (keep smiling, keep shining!)
Brian: "Where are you going?"
Me: (Sorry, God, I lied) "Just there, my friend's house"
Brian:" Uh.. what is your name again?"
Me:"Ha...eh..." (Bad, he forgot my name, aha...!) "Richred"
Desiree: "Let's go down now.." That's at the Luzon Colleges still. But Desiree was anxious for me already. [my friends were all the conservative kind, they don't want boys chasing us]
Me:(to Desiree) "Ok, sige" (to Brian) "Eh, we're stopping here now"
Brian: "Okay, we'll stop here too." Yaiiks

As were were walking, going toward Elisa's Cinema, I whispered to Desiree and Sandra, "Buenas, Desiree! Why is this happening?" Desiree smiled, a knowing smile. They went walking ahead of me, and as I walked as slow as I can but I'm thinking why and what for?

Then Brian called me again, "Where are you in Mangaldan?"
Me: (I didn't lie this time) "Just the private school near the Catholic church, just ask my schoolmates" [haha, was I so popular then? haha I don't think so. Just that my name is foreign-sounding]
Brian: (still not getting it clear) "What room  number?"
Me: (Ohmygosh, making sure to find me!) "Just tell my name and ask for me"
Brian: "What's your last name?"
Me: "Buelchmann"
Brian: "I beg your pardon?"
Me: (Haay, my blood is beginning to boil, smile) "Buelchmann .. ah, basta.. I knew you know it already before"
Brian: "Okay, see you, nice meeting you..."
Me: (so glad he's going now) I quickly walked to keep pace with Desiree and Sandra as we were near the cinema already. We hurriedly walked to the Elisa's Cinema entrance. And as we were paying for our movie tickets, out of the corner of my eye I saw Brian and his friend 30 meters away approaching, so after paying for our tickets we ran inside the movie theater to avoid then and the three of us were giggling  like crazy...!

Hmm, I think I don't like Brian now, because he's not-so handsome anymore unlike before he was so like Robby Rosa when he's dressed up [read: so 80's] Now he's just plain Brian Amor! And he acts to presko that day as if he can find me and is still welcome in my life. Tsooo late, my darling, because I'll be leaving for Manila soon and no one can stop me! Nevah!!! [ I was trying to sound like Maricel Soriano in 'Taray and Teroy']

Richred <3

P.S. I still like Brian (Brendon's brod)  very much!

next next

Talking to your shadow

(no date given, I think this was a draft for the letter I gave him to say goodbye. The content of this was harsh, the actual letter I handed him was mild)

Hello Mr. PX,

Well, I'm slowly losing my love for you. I think you never loved me.. here's why: because you never kept in touch since September 11 (for six months!). My question is, let me know if there are people in steady relationships that don't
 see each other for that long. Maybe dead partners, I guess! [I was furious here] I know you don't really like me, you just stick to me because of whatever reason I don't know. We have to talk face-to-face soon, and I will not regret the decision that I will make when I see you (that also depends on what you should say to me) Now gone, we are no longer as loving to each other as before - during my second year days.

You have found a new girl, right? I would not believe you even if you deny it to my face. I cannot keep on waiting for you, I cannot stand the agony of waiting in vain. So here I am, I need to speak to you and know where our relationship is going. Whatever decision you will make, I promise myself I will forget every little thing that reminds me of you: "Endless Love" movie, Menudo and Robby Rosa's posters, "Now and Forever" [I don't remember this is significant for me then; it must be the song by Air Supply]; "With You All The Way", "Too Young", "Boulevard" [yahh! baduy] "Caravan" [same baduy song]; "More Than A Kiss", "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now", "Secret Lovers", "Call Me", "Party All The Time", the Gold Mix Tape songs we shared, the PMA pen you gave me, stupid notes of you and EVERY TRACE of you! You really fooled me this time!! Why can't you be brave to see me and break-up properly!! Remember last year, I had another relationship, I couldn't let you know that I'm breaking up with you because I DO NOT KNOW WHERE YOU WERE! [was he an NPA? hehe] But look at you, you know where you can find me, I'm just in school, I'm just from this town, you've seen me this past month but you didn't make your move to speak to me! You know I would say 'hello' without being mad. Now you're a liar!!

Even if my dreams about us being together wouldn't happen, I don't care anymore as long as I am happy with my own life. From now on, no steady relationships for me.

PX, hate you a lot!!!!!!!

from your great enemy,
RichRed <3

P.S. Excuse me, the <3's not for you, that's for my success and love and everything great in my future...


NEXT NEXT NEXT

Monday                                                                                         Evening
March 14, 1988

Hello!Ah... soo! Brendon can't joke around with me, nor even speak to me today... it's all because his clearance before taking our final exams hasn't been completed yet! And you know, I couldn't concentrate on our exams today because I was thinking about him! (I am getting that worse!)

Then much later, he was in the room already to join us for the exam. He was late. I heard him asking for a ballpen from someone but couldn't find any, I think. So I quickly got my other ball pen ready for him to borrow, just in case. After a minute, he approached me and asked if I had one. I gave him my pen, and looked at him, I felt myself blushing... but I had to get back to my test paper. aww!

That's all I can say for now. This lovesick syndrome is getting worse

I love Brendon.. I love Dean (he greeted me "hi" today. I love Brian..

Good night!

P.S. As soon as I get over PX (Yes, my feelings for him is slowly waning) I'll remove all Robby Rosa's posters so I will completely forget PX. Good night again! [because in my mind as a teen, I led myself to believe PX resembles Robby Rosa of Menudo]



NEXT NEXT NEXT

Friday
Evening
March 11, 1988

This is a less nervous day than yesterday. Brendon just looked into my eyes that morning during our first subject. And I really fixed myself today to impress some morons. [I remember this, I had a red ribbon headband with polka dots on my hair like Small Wonder] On our English class, Ms Jane gave us a unit test and he was transferred to the chair infront of Amy and he asked for a piece of paper as if he was so sure I'll provide. Of course I should, he's my great terrific CRUSH! During that test, I almost wanted to share my answers to him. I tried to get his attention, me pretending to ask for answers to the test items. He looked at me but just then our teacher shot me a glance. Arrgh! But Brendon made my day great with just simple talk. I sort of almost gave up because he didn't talk to me about Brian this morning.

On that afternoon, I was busy writing down facts from our Population Education subject   and all that time he passes by the aisle, I was hoping.. he'd say something. When I finally gave up, he passed by and turned toward me to say:" He asked me today how you are doing. Kumusta daw! Uyy, he said he will give you his latest photo. Hey!" I was just happy he talked to me today, I answered: "Hey you, Brendon, stop it please! You are making fun of me again!" I smiled to myself as he walked away. And here's what I forgot to add yesterday about my dream... has something to do with our conversations lately. Since he was speaking to me already, I keep looking at his lips and I can't believe that in my dream his lips are exactly that in real life! Perfect! Maybe he has noticed me having a fantasy about kissing him on the lips! I love him no matter if he is just teasing me about Brian or fooling me about all this. HA!

love,love,love you, Brendon!

Richred

P.S. My T.A.N.G.A boyfriend ---> PX saw me after the STHS parade at the store of Amy but he didn't go near to talk to me. When I left Amy's store, that's when he asked Amy about me. (HAAY! NAKU!!) And according to Lanie also, PX went to University of Pangasinan (U-Pang) Foundation Day/ Anniversary, but to our own anniversary last February 22, he has forgotten...!

NEXT NEXT NEXT

Thursday
Evening
March 10 1988

Hi! hello! This is another day that seems like a WHAMMO Day! [meaning great in the biorhythm scale] It all has to do with Brendon.

Since Tuesday, I've been watching every move of Brendon because he sometimes looks at me right between the eyes and I think of him once in a while and pretended that it doesn't matter if he has a girlfriend already. [ha! was I desperate then!] And I dreamed  of him on that Tuesday night that I was looking directly at his lips and kissed him. (And it has something to do with today.... sort of) [hahaha, the thoughts of an infatuated teen during the 80s!]

Well, these days are now kind of Iskul Bukol because all we needed was to get our clearances signed for submission of projects, then we will be waiting for exams and then Happy Graduation (bow!) That's the reason why all of us are being rowdy in our classroom lately. During Population Education class, boys were playing jokes/tricks on just any innocent victim like pinning labels on their backs that say "I am not yet circumcised", "I am a playgirl" those kinds. [there were nastier ones that I just don't want to mention here] And I told Amy, my bestfriend/seatmate to watch out that maybe someone would play a nasty joke on me.

True enough, there was one naughty person who tagged me as "I have 7 boyfriends.." and Amy found it out the very minute it was put on my back. We didn't find out who it was, Amy just handed it to me and I read it, was mad but sort of laughing still, as I looked toward the seats of Brendon and company. I caught him looking at me too, and sort of laughing too.

I asked him, "Who put that on my back?"

Brendon: "I didnt see anyone"  then he moved to seat on the chair behind ours..
and said, "Richred... I have something to--"

Me: "Yes, what is it?" (I had the feeling what he was going to say, my heart beat so fast!)

Brendon: "You've met my brother at the JS Prom, the one who was with me that night. Do you know him? He says "Hello" and wants to know how you are"

Me: " Your brother? Really?" (Yes! I knew it! And I couldn't believe Brendon is talking to me now. I stalled for more time)

Brendon: "He's asking me about you. He saw you at the plaza the other night, he says"

Me: "Aha! Really, that is your brother? Ha?" (Aww, if you only knew the truth dear Brendon!) Then I didn't look at him, I felt myself blushing to much to speak. WHAT!!! A conversation with my crush!!!!!! Wow!!!

Brendon: (But he was makulit) "What will I tell him? Is it a YES? He says he wants to see you on our graduation ball."

Me: (Brendon's brod believes in himself too much, aargh my fault!)

Brendon: (Makulit again) "Is it a YES?"

Me: (Hmp, just to stop him "OKAY then!"

Brendon: (he jumped so high and clapped) " Yahoo! Yehey!... hey, he's a handsome guy!" then went out of the room looking so happy. (Dear Diary, why is he super happy?)

That afternoon, during Advanced Algebra subject, he asked a piece of paper from me and I just didn't look up at him but gave him what he needed, because he might make a big thing out of it. After that subject, he kept on passing by our aisle purposely just to say "Kumusta ka raw, uyy, Kumusta raw!" ( wants to know how I am doing) and I would feel annoyed because I almost wanted to cry because it's Brendon I really liked!. Then one time he said something sounding both horrible and sweet to my ears: "You're not Miss Buelchmann [haha my real name]  anymore, you're now Mrs. _______! (their family name)" Oh gosh, our classmates heard him and cheered thinking it was "us". Until dismissal time, he still didn't stop, even when our adviser was talking to me. Brendon cheerfully said, " Richred, I will tell him that you've got a crush on him too! Really!" And I couldn't stop him but smiled, because I was with our adviser. He really is CRAZY!!!

Brian (his name) you are so cute! ...I'm just so happy. But you don't really know me. I should remind myself of who I am.. not to expect to much. [getting insecure there]

love, love, love
Richred
NEXT DIARY ENTRY

[This is to update my A Day in Life entries, here's me starting over]

SUNDAY                                                                                                       Morning
March 6, 1988

Hi! Hello! Couldn't quite remember all the other days just that I know Brendon is ERASE-ERASE in my life and all I remember is what happened yesterday (because all other days were boring!)

I will relive everything in this diary =  the good and the bad parts (because without the bad, the thrill would be gone, but then that's only a few to mention)

On that morning, I woke up at 7:00 AM then went to the Post Office to mail my credentials for the college entrance exam in Manila. Then I went home and cleaned house. While I was still applyibng wax on the floor, Uncle Joe came to visit from Manila. I felt sad Lara and Jerome wasn't with him those are my cousins by the way, see my 1986 entries.But then Uncle said Ate Edith will also come home from Manila that day, so there I was more delighted to clean house!

On that afternoon, Ate Edith, Ate Mimie and Kuya Ed arrived (Kuya Rey is not with them). By the way, Ate Mimie wont be going back to Manila because her baby is due this month.

On that night, Bacon, Naning and the rest passed by our house and tagged me along going to the plaza. (It was Mangaldan Fiesta that time) First we went to was the horror booth that lloks scary from the outside because of the scary sounds, but actually only mannequins and monsters made out of plastic were inside. I was with Ate Weda, Bacon, Naning and I kind of lost my voice screaming over those monsters on display! The scary part was only the walk around the area, waiting what will frighten me next.After that, I wanted to find something scarier (and more unique) so I said, "Bacon, let's watch the Wall Of Death - the one with two Arabian guys who would perform stunts riding a motorcycle while going round in circles defying gravity. After getting tickets, something unexpected for me happened as we were queueing up ... I saw Brendon's Brod and he smiled at me like he knew me from before!! He's so cute!! [haha me so infatuated over 'handsome guys' I could've fainted!] He was right infront of me lining up to enter the place but I saw an old lady from our street who talked to me awhile. [distraction for me] Then later, the audience including us all got to enter to watch the show. I almost fell on the floor not watching my steps, just  because I was looking for him where he went [hahaha that was so me!!]. When Bacon and I got to the ring, I was still looking at the stairs that may be Brendon's Brod would  be there. Then as I looked out front of me, there he was!!! He waved at me to know he was there!! :) (Naks, Ha!) Then we smiled at each other everytime our eyes met and he seemed to wink at me (I aint sure coz he was far across from me) Oh I think I like him! (Oops, I don't know him that much really, he's just a stranger) After the Wall Of Death show, Bacon and I went around the plaza again. I was pretending to be really interested in looking around but I really was searching for Brendon's brod. Sure he was there again but a few meters away from us, and couldn't see me but he looks like he was looking for someone (looking for me, huh?!? love you!!)

Meanwhile, Bacon got really bored so he said,"Let's go to Elsie's Canteen" and I just said yes. Then something unfortunately unexpected was there! Who else but Mr. Eeeks!!! [Bacon's 24-year-old uncle who became my boyfriend in 1986, yes my aversion for this guy is also written here. I don't know really why I was like that then, I was so childish] I almost thought Bacon and Mr. Eeeks planned meeting there. But it's not likely because they were both surprised to see each other. Secretly I was so upset and wanted to just go away, go home, run... yaiiiks! And there Mr. Eeeks kept asking me how I was, how life has been, so on and so forth and I just gave him the cold shoulder, just answering yes, no, maybe. Mr. Eeeks asked us not to go yet, asking please dont go yet but I was really anxious to go back to the plaza to have fun. AND because Bacon and I had not much money, ha-ha, (you know what I mean!) he tagged along with us back to the plaza. Mr. Eeeks gladly paid for tickets to any show we wanted to see. But he kept holding my hand once in a while and pretending to hug me. I was so badtrip because as we went around the plaza, some of my batchmates saw me with Mr. Eeeks, but I would slip away and go near Bacon instead.  [oh, man! I was so mean to Mr. Eeeks! Up to this time, I like to say sorry for everything. I really was so mean!] I still searched for Brendon's brod from the JS Prom but now he was invisible. That's it- the good parts and the bad parts of my day- but deep inside my heart, I wanted to see PX.

I love PX!
I like Brendon's Brod very much!

loving everyone, (except...)
Richred


*** The Plaza is a common place we go do during Fiesta where you can get to ride scary rides, watch magic shows and so on. it's like the Great America of the 80's haha


MY NEXT DIARY ENTRY IS HERE