Heart Of The 80s

Monday                                                                                         Evening
March 14, 1988

Hello!Ah... soo! Brendon can't joke around with me, nor even speak to me today... it's all because his clearance before taking our final exams hasn't been completed yet! And you know, I couldn't concentrate on our exams today because I was thinking about him! (I am getting that worse!)

Then much later, he was in the room already to join us for the exam. He was late. I heard him asking for a ballpen from someone but couldn't find any, I think. So I quickly got my other ball pen ready for him to borrow, just in case. After a minute, he approached me and asked if I had one. I gave him my pen, and looked at him, I felt myself blushing... but I had to get back to my test paper. aww!

That's all I can say for now. This lovesick syndrome is getting worse

I love Brendon.. I love Dean (he greeted me "hi" today. I love Brian..

Good night!

P.S. As soon as I get over PX (Yes, my feelings for him is slowly waning) I'll remove all Robby Rosa's posters so I will completely forget PX. Good night again! [because in my mind as a teen, I led myself to believe PX resembles Robby Rosa of Menudo]



NEXT NEXT NEXT

Friday
Evening
March 11, 1988

This is a less nervous day than yesterday. Brendon just looked into my eyes that morning during our first subject. And I really fixed myself today to impress some morons. [I remember this, I had a red ribbon headband with polka dots on my hair like Small Wonder] On our English class, Ms Jane gave us a unit test and he was transferred to the chair infront of Amy and he asked for a piece of paper as if he was so sure I'll provide. Of course I should, he's my great terrific CRUSH! During that test, I almost wanted to share my answers to him. I tried to get his attention, me pretending to ask for answers to the test items. He looked at me but just then our teacher shot me a glance. Arrgh! But Brendon made my day great with just simple talk. I sort of almost gave up because he didn't talk to me about Brian this morning.

On that afternoon, I was busy writing down facts from our Population Education subject   and all that time he passes by the aisle, I was hoping.. he'd say something. When I finally gave up, he passed by and turned toward me to say:" He asked me today how you are doing. Kumusta daw! Uyy, he said he will give you his latest photo. Hey!" I was just happy he talked to me today, I answered: "Hey you, Brendon, stop it please! You are making fun of me again!" I smiled to myself as he walked away. And here's what I forgot to add yesterday about my dream... has something to do with our conversations lately. Since he was speaking to me already, I keep looking at his lips and I can't believe that in my dream his lips are exactly that in real life! Perfect! Maybe he has noticed me having a fantasy about kissing him on the lips! I love him no matter if he is just teasing me about Brian or fooling me about all this. HA!

love,love,love you, Brendon!

Richred

P.S. My T.A.N.G.A boyfriend ---> PX saw me after the STHS parade at the store of Amy but he didn't go near to talk to me. When I left Amy's store, that's when he asked Amy about me. (HAAY! NAKU!!) And according to Lanie also, PX went to University of Pangasinan (U-Pang) Foundation Day/ Anniversary, but to our own anniversary last February 22, he has forgotten...!

NEXT NEXT NEXT

Thursday
Evening
March 10 1988

Hi! hello! This is another day that seems like a WHAMMO Day! [meaning great in the biorhythm scale] It all has to do with Brendon.

Since Tuesday, I've been watching every move of Brendon because he sometimes looks at me right between the eyes and I think of him once in a while and pretended that it doesn't matter if he has a girlfriend already. [ha! was I desperate then!] And I dreamed  of him on that Tuesday night that I was looking directly at his lips and kissed him. (And it has something to do with today.... sort of) [hahaha, the thoughts of an infatuated teen during the 80s!]

Well, these days are now kind of Iskul Bukol because all we needed was to get our clearances signed for submission of projects, then we will be waiting for exams and then Happy Graduation (bow!) That's the reason why all of us are being rowdy in our classroom lately. During Population Education class, boys were playing jokes/tricks on just any innocent victim like pinning labels on their backs that say "I am not yet circumcised", "I am a playgirl" those kinds. [there were nastier ones that I just don't want to mention here] And I told Amy, my bestfriend/seatmate to watch out that maybe someone would play a nasty joke on me.

True enough, there was one naughty person who tagged me as "I have 7 boyfriends.." and Amy found it out the very minute it was put on my back. We didn't find out who it was, Amy just handed it to me and I read it, was mad but sort of laughing still, as I looked toward the seats of Brendon and company. I caught him looking at me too, and sort of laughing too.

I asked him, "Who put that on my back?"

Brendon: "I didnt see anyone"  then he moved to seat on the chair behind ours..
and said, "Richred... I have something to--"

Me: "Yes, what is it?" (I had the feeling what he was going to say, my heart beat so fast!)

Brendon: "You've met my brother at the JS Prom, the one who was with me that night. Do you know him? He says "Hello" and wants to know how you are"

Me: " Your brother? Really?" (Yes! I knew it! And I couldn't believe Brendon is talking to me now. I stalled for more time)

Brendon: "He's asking me about you. He saw you at the plaza the other night, he says"

Me: "Aha! Really, that is your brother? Ha?" (Aww, if you only knew the truth dear Brendon!) Then I didn't look at him, I felt myself blushing to much to speak. WHAT!!! A conversation with my crush!!!!!! Wow!!!

Brendon: (But he was makulit) "What will I tell him? Is it a YES? He says he wants to see you on our graduation ball."

Me: (Brendon's brod believes in himself too much, aargh my fault!)

Brendon: (Makulit again) "Is it a YES?"

Me: (Hmp, just to stop him "OKAY then!"

Brendon: (he jumped so high and clapped) " Yahoo! Yehey!... hey, he's a handsome guy!" then went out of the room looking so happy. (Dear Diary, why is he super happy?)

That afternoon, during Advanced Algebra subject, he asked a piece of paper from me and I just didn't look up at him but gave him what he needed, because he might make a big thing out of it. After that subject, he kept on passing by our aisle purposely just to say "Kumusta ka raw, uyy, Kumusta raw!" ( wants to know how I am doing) and I would feel annoyed because I almost wanted to cry because it's Brendon I really liked!. Then one time he said something sounding both horrible and sweet to my ears: "You're not Miss Buelchmann [haha my real name]  anymore, you're now Mrs. _______! (their family name)" Oh gosh, our classmates heard him and cheered thinking it was "us". Until dismissal time, he still didn't stop, even when our adviser was talking to me. Brendon cheerfully said, " Richred, I will tell him that you've got a crush on him too! Really!" And I couldn't stop him but smiled, because I was with our adviser. He really is CRAZY!!!

Brian (his name) you are so cute! ...I'm just so happy. But you don't really know me. I should remind myself of who I am.. not to expect to much. [getting insecure there]

love, love, love
Richred
NEXT DIARY ENTRY

[This is to update my A Day in Life entries, here's me starting over]

SUNDAY                                                                                                       Morning
March 6, 1988

Hi! Hello! Couldn't quite remember all the other days just that I know Brendon is ERASE-ERASE in my life and all I remember is what happened yesterday (because all other days were boring!)

I will relive everything in this diary =  the good and the bad parts (because without the bad, the thrill would be gone, but then that's only a few to mention)

On that morning, I woke up at 7:00 AM then went to the Post Office to mail my credentials for the college entrance exam in Manila. Then I went home and cleaned house. While I was still applyibng wax on the floor, Uncle Joe came to visit from Manila. I felt sad Lara and Jerome wasn't with him those are my cousins by the way, see my 1986 entries.But then Uncle said Ate Edith will also come home from Manila that day, so there I was more delighted to clean house!

On that afternoon, Ate Edith, Ate Mimie and Kuya Ed arrived (Kuya Rey is not with them). By the way, Ate Mimie wont be going back to Manila because her baby is due this month.

On that night, Bacon, Naning and the rest passed by our house and tagged me along going to the plaza. (It was Mangaldan Fiesta that time) First we went to was the horror booth that lloks scary from the outside because of the scary sounds, but actually only mannequins and monsters made out of plastic were inside. I was with Ate Weda, Bacon, Naning and I kind of lost my voice screaming over those monsters on display! The scary part was only the walk around the area, waiting what will frighten me next.After that, I wanted to find something scarier (and more unique) so I said, "Bacon, let's watch the Wall Of Death - the one with two Arabian guys who would perform stunts riding a motorcycle while going round in circles defying gravity. After getting tickets, something unexpected for me happened as we were queueing up ... I saw Brendon's Brod and he smiled at me like he knew me from before!! He's so cute!! [haha me so infatuated over 'handsome guys' I could've fainted!] He was right infront of me lining up to enter the place but I saw an old lady from our street who talked to me awhile. [distraction for me] Then later, the audience including us all got to enter to watch the show. I almost fell on the floor not watching my steps, just  because I was looking for him where he went [hahaha that was so me!!]. When Bacon and I got to the ring, I was still looking at the stairs that may be Brendon's Brod would  be there. Then as I looked out front of me, there he was!!! He waved at me to know he was there!! :) (Naks, Ha!) Then we smiled at each other everytime our eyes met and he seemed to wink at me (I aint sure coz he was far across from me) Oh I think I like him! (Oops, I don't know him that much really, he's just a stranger) After the Wall Of Death show, Bacon and I went around the plaza again. I was pretending to be really interested in looking around but I really was searching for Brendon's brod. Sure he was there again but a few meters away from us, and couldn't see me but he looks like he was looking for someone (looking for me, huh?!? love you!!)

Meanwhile, Bacon got really bored so he said,"Let's go to Elsie's Canteen" and I just said yes. Then something unfortunately unexpected was there! Who else but Mr. Eeeks!!! [Bacon's 24-year-old uncle who became my boyfriend in 1986, yes my aversion for this guy is also written here. I don't know really why I was like that then, I was so childish] I almost thought Bacon and Mr. Eeeks planned meeting there. But it's not likely because they were both surprised to see each other. Secretly I was so upset and wanted to just go away, go home, run... yaiiiks! And there Mr. Eeeks kept asking me how I was, how life has been, so on and so forth and I just gave him the cold shoulder, just answering yes, no, maybe. Mr. Eeeks asked us not to go yet, asking please dont go yet but I was really anxious to go back to the plaza to have fun. AND because Bacon and I had not much money, ha-ha, (you know what I mean!) he tagged along with us back to the plaza. Mr. Eeeks gladly paid for tickets to any show we wanted to see. But he kept holding my hand once in a while and pretending to hug me. I was so badtrip because as we went around the plaza, some of my batchmates saw me with Mr. Eeeks, but I would slip away and go near Bacon instead.  [oh, man! I was so mean to Mr. Eeeks! Up to this time, I like to say sorry for everything. I really was so mean!] I still searched for Brendon's brod from the JS Prom but now he was invisible. That's it- the good parts and the bad parts of my day- but deep inside my heart, I wanted to see PX.

I love PX!
I like Brendon's Brod very much!

loving everyone, (except...)
Richred


*** The Plaza is a common place we go do during Fiesta where you can get to ride scary rides, watch magic shows and so on. it's like the Great America of the 80's haha


MY NEXT DIARY ENTRY IS HERE

Thursday
Evening 030188

Hi! Hello! Fine,fine,fine because now I've got all the requirements Ate Mimie is asking for me to submit in Manila. Just need to photocopy and mail them tomorrow. Hay,naku! I wish and hope for the best on these things.

Oh, there's something about yesterday at our Social Studies exam, confession: I used a cheat code of Richred and after I copied all the details I needed, Amy said to hand it to her for copying too. After answering the test, I was busy 'teaching' Rusty that's why I didn't know Amy was convincing Marife (seatmate of Shyboy just behind them) to copy from the code. Now their problem was how could the code reach Marife when there's a wide gap between our seats? Quickly, I grabbed the cheat code (codigo) from Amy and threw it to Marife and whispered, "Psst, there's the code!" because it landed just at her desk.But Marife refused to pick it up, yet Shyboy heard us and took it to copy. Hay, I don't know if I would be embarrassed for him knowing my dirty little secret or get peeved because it was the only closest encounter between Shyboy and me... hahaha!

And this morning at the Social Studies class, Rits - our loud mouthed classmate, who says he's my cousin because we're from the same place- again called me "How are you doing, Insan?" Tagalog slang for "cousin". This means he's going to make fun of me again so I tensed. Meanwhile, the ever elusive Brendon was now seated near Rusty and just close enough to hear whatever happens. The most annoying thing that happened, Rits went far too close to me, almost kissed my cheek when he asked me how I was!! The guys at the back, and near us cheered. I was angry because of the semi-embarrassment "Leave me alone!" I said. Rits answered back, calling Brendon : "Brendon, Brendon.. you better seat beside Red"   all the more making me annoyed. Thankfully no one reacted from our class. I didn't even look at Brendon to see how he took Rits' joke (why would I!) But now I don't care anymore... boys are really heartbreakers... all I care about and miss is PX.

Missing so much,
Red

 [MY NEXT OLD DIARY ENTRY CAN BE FOUND HERE;]

Sunday
022888
Evening (10:25PM)

Hi!Hello! At least, in the middle of my busy life I thought of dropping by to write,ha! Exams tomorrow that's why I'm still up.

There's something.. on Brendon: He passed by our house last Thursday (Holiday for EDSA) wearing that brown shirt His Brod wore when I first saw him during JS Prom. Brendon rode a bike going to Embarcadero, or further who knows. At a glance I even thought it was His Brod, but then it was Brendon!

Because I was just in familiar surroundings that I call my home, I acted like a boy-crazy gal "Hey, Kuya Fivestar, that guy's my crush!!!" With that,Brendon looked back at me but still biked on. "I'm dead." I uttered then hid but what for, he already saw me!! ah, whatever will be, will be I said to myself.

So good that this Friday, Brendon looked kind of our of this world. Was he on drugs or something (maybe, because his eyes were looking sleepy. He was so quiet, not even joking as he used to. He was actually seated just by me because Amy was absent,huh!) Isn't that odd!  But I know he still talks to Sheila, but hey I overheard this girl has a boyfriend at the Mabini section (Eeeks!) [whatever that meant, now as an adult I ate my bad word, haha because I married one from Mabini section :-D]

On Lanie, well... cool-cool-cool still. I'm not ok with her I guess today. Last Thursday I went by their house and was talking to her. Her mind was somewhere else and not really listening to me. I gave a lame excuse of going some place else... then I ran home.

I love PX! (listening to the old gold mixtape 1986 today)

hay.....Red

This is a repost, a series of my articles on Valentine's Day.. "You don't remember me, but I remember you. T'was not so long ago, you broke my heart in two. Tears on my pillow, pain in my heart, caused by you..."

Just adding drama to it, of course :) (reality is I married one of our classmates after so many years instead)

Just to paraphrase from my mother's old 50's records I used to listen to ~ "A tear fell when I saw you in the arms of someone new.. a tear fell when you left me all alone and feeling blue.. a tear fell when you told me that your love was not for me..."... A fool was I, a fool was I ..... in love." laughing out loud!

It's all because our high school batch reunion video presentation still makes me smile! Lots of pictures there of our batchmates and a growing list of former classmates added on Facebook. I remember the last year when we had our high school reunion in 2008. One picture made me go back in time when I was so foolishly in love with love itself that I was super-infatuated with this particular guy from my class. He's the guy I call Brendon in these series of entries from '88. I'm just saying this because it's not him that I would truly like to remember, but to remember what a carefree person I once was. These tons of memories are always with me even on friend's birthdays, valentines, Christmas, New Year and every HS reunion.

In retrospect, I tell you if Cupid's existence was real, well then the love bug hit me then. It just hit me because of all the circumstances that came my way, which led me to see the world with rose-colored glasses. Since that day in November 1987 and until we graduated he inspired me to go to school everyday (even on a Saturday and Sunday I'll go) OA ha!

How bad was it? How silly was I back then?
I thought of him at least every hour in a day. I dreamed of him often. I would wish every night that tomorrow will be The Day he will tell me he likes me (yes, back then I was a good old-fashioned girl, you get that from listening to Teresa Brewer). And true enough the following day would almost be the day I was praying for.   ...Almost.... but we were always in class, surrounded by classmates, teachers and peers. And I thought he could never say that because (maybe) he might think he will embarrass me in front of a lot of people.
So I tried to get his attention anyhow, in other ways.... when he distributes workbooks in class, I'd pretend to accidentally hold on to his hand and say, "Whoops, I'm sorry" or if he borrows my homework to copy, I'd gladly lend it to him; if he borrows my pen I would do the same.... ahh, so many incidents. Yet, ugh, that was me?

But he NEVER got the message, not even when I sent him a pre-Valentine's card, he didn't search that well for me. I knew he showed the greeting card to our male classmates, just so he would know who sent it (he was trying to get clues thru the handwriting but I thought of that beforehand and asked a close friend to hand-write me that letter instead) He was even calling out for "Small Wonder" hoping maybe that "Small Wonder" would reply but hey, I never looked back at him. I knew he was seated at the far corner of the room, I kept a straight face pretending to be reading.
He never got the message, not even when his older brother courted me (after our JS prom) and he was the only link we had for communication. He was only playing matchmaker here, and I could just thank my lucky stars that at least he was talking to me now.

Just one day, he came near me, sat beside me and said in a "lovingly yours" way ~
"Chris... someone says "hello"....."
I smiled sweetly and said "Really? Who?" (can it be you?)
"My brother..." NYAIIKS!
Then he went on to build up his brother like he was recommending a valuable employee..... ending the conversation with, " So, will I tell him it's okay?.... He's going to see you on our graduation .... hey, he's a handsome dude... I'll tell him that you also have a crush on him!!" He was so loud that our classmates and adviser heard him, they teased us thinking it was him who was courting me (embarrassing!), he was so happy for his brother he actually jumped for joy!
I just smiled, shaking my head,telling myself, " oh no, if you only know..."

Yet, aargh, nothing came of it because that's how life is sometimes... this crush story reminds me of an 80's movie I got to watch "Sixteen Candles" starring Molly Ringwald....yes, that's the sort of girl I was, dumbstruck, speechless, blushing

a fool am I, a fool am I in love  wahahaha

Saturday 021388 Alive In Manila!

Afternoon
Dear Diary,
Hi and Hello! yes, now we are here in Manila and things came unexpectedly! Is there a proverb like that? Expect the unexpected as long as it's the best! So much fun!

But wait, here's something that I can't tell if it's sad or what... yesterday... morning, I saw Brendon kidding around with Sheila while the guys in class were looking at the 'censored' Valentine card. Our classmates at group 4 and 5 laughed at them.I said to myself: "No chance, kiddo, surely they will be back together again" Wasn't it just months ago when Brendon used to often frown at her, but look now - he's back to joking with her and Sheila's going gaga over him. Ahh, I don't know if I should cry or what, ah.... basta, I felt so angry seeing them together! [add a crying face here for me ;'( that's what I meant that time] And maybe that afternoon, they were really back together. I ain't sure coz I skipped classes again because it's Friday afternoon, I went to the movies at Rodela Cinema to watch "Stupid Cupid" with Matt.

Now here is something I must confess to you, dear diary. It was very very bad of me, but hey.. Before I went home that noon, I went back inside our classroom when all the students left. I searched for the 'censored' Valentine card but I couldn't find it, at first. But something pushed me to open the attendance record at the teacher's desk and... (would you believe?).. the 'censored' Valentine card I was looking for was right there clipped inside the attendance record book!! I hurriedly took it and shoved it inside my folder.. and went out as if nothing happened. Tsk,tsk,tsk! Sorry, my dear talented classmate Benny, sorry for your artistic talent in creating the 'censored' card. hmm, what can I say!!! [I still feel bad about taking the Valentine card. But on hindsight, maybe I saved the whole class from making our Physics teacher, Mr. Soco, furious. I mean, what reaction from a prim and proper, no-nonsense teacher would they expect? So, up to this day, no one knows I took this 'censored' Valentine card]

Here in Manila, this afternoon.. Ate Mimie, Melissa and I took a public jeepney to Harrison Plaza to watch some stars on a Valentines fans day. Who was there? Wow!!!!  Lea Salonga (I love her!!), Sheryl Cruz (Yahoo! I really admire!) Jestoni Alarcon (yes, really!) Dennis Da Silva ( loveteam partner of Ruffa, they say he looks like Ricky Martin), Ruffa Gutierrez (she's so cute and pretty!) and Romnick Sarmenta!!!! (Yeheyyy! Romnick, I love you!) [I so wish that we had a camera back then to take some photos, now so sorry. But maybe someone out there reminiscing with me can provide one. I'd be grateful!]

PX, I love you.... [that was really written, I wonder why.. when he was out of touch this season.]

still, Red

Acknowledgements to Pinas Dekada 80 for the photo

[I am so inspired today to just go ahead and begin a series of these blog entries I will call "A Day In Life". This series present the text from my journals that I kept between the ages of 14 and 17. I'll be adding new entries every now and then to share all my thoughts, ideas, events, experiences, memories, ideas I had during the eighties. It is for my continued amusement that I read and reread my old journals, even when there isn't much content, I still gain occasional insight how I'm still in the process of changing to maturity. Most of the names have been changed to protect the people I recently found on Facebook. A few are just partial entries, my bleeping and blinding exclamations have been removed and some entries have been modified to give way to my now correct spelling and grammar. Yet the mix of excitement, melodrama and pleasant memories from the eighties are still much felt :) I hope, as you read my old journal with me, you enjoy the same sentiments.]

WEDNESDAY Evening 10:30PM
February 3,1988  020388

Dear Diary,

This is some kind of a day. I'll start it from the very beginning...
This morning, Brendon( changed his name from RF to Brendon now) was not so late in coming to school. After checking our test papers in Filipino, he went to the faculty  room and volunteered to distribute the envelopes and of course, my envelope was there. But, Dan, our other classmate, offered to help him (OH!) and unfortunately, my envelope was given to me by Dan. (Aargh!) 

But then later, a campaign brochure from Baguio Colleges Foundation (now University of the Cordilleras) and the college courses offered were distributed. I was talking to my guy seatmate Daryl, just asking about the course descriptions. 
Me: "What is BSE?"
Daryl: "It's a course for teachers, of course!"
Me: "For highschool teachers?"
Daryl :"Yeah"
Me: "But what is this CMT and CAT? Can ladies enroll in this course? Maybe there are plenty of handsome guys here, eh?"
Daryl : (laughing) "Ha-ha. You're kidding, right?"
Me: " I had to ask!" More giggles.
Me: "Ok, now I know what course I'll take up. This is really it... BSE HISTORY MAJOR!"  [I loved history subjects because of all the hilarious stories by our effervescent history teachers.]
Daryl : (shrugs) "Sure you can..."
Me: " I'll be a teacher and would be teaching in this school. By then there would be plenty of handsome co-teachers too!" [Was only jesting for amusement] So that conversation lasted until I read more details to ask about.... Just then, Brendon came up beside   Daryl and held the same brochure that I was holding that time. Brendon and I both looked/gazed/stared (whatever) at each other for a few seconds, and I shivered. But oops,   Daryl said to Brendon: "Pare, this is Red's" So Brendon goes apologetically: "Okay.." Then went away. Aaargh! To  Daryl!

This afternoon, Brendon went in very late around 1:45PM. A visitor from the EARN computer school was  promoting their courses and encouraging us to study in their school. Around that time, Brendon came in but no one got distracted anyway. Later, our class took a scholarship exam for 30 minutes. A long time of silence. Then the proctor asked: "Is it difficult?" We all gave out a giggle. Brendon, who was seated at the far corner,said: "Chicken feed!".. haha, I said to Daryl: (who was seated just behind us - and copying my answers): "Hmm, we'll see!" Anyways, no time for that now.

Oh and much later, the wall between our room and the Aguinaldo section's room fell over the head of Sheila - Brendon's ex. I glanced quickly at Brendon seeing his expression if he will care for her. Nothing there. I think he sort of felt sorry for her but just smiled to himself. We all went back to our work. After the exam, Brendon went out to play basketball at the STHS court.

Other topic, I have something very very important to tell you, dear diary, and I fear it will happen. Matt, my 11-year-old nephew, is not so happy and said the world will end soon this March 18,1988 right after the eclipse. I'm praying that it won't happen. I hope God will not get angry at us here on earth, I'll try to be good already. Okay good night, dear diary.

[Now I think this was an awesome day :) All the people I mention here are every now and then in touch with me thanks to Facebook. Who's Brendon, you say? He's a former classmate for whom I've had a great silly crush- just like that. No, he never knew and only one or two close friends knew. Anyways, these were my best days so to speak]



Here was my next Entry