Heart Of The 80s

Talking to your shadow

(no date given, I think this was a draft for the letter I gave him to say goodbye. The content of this was harsh, the actual letter I handed him was mild)

Hello Mr. PX,

Well, I'm slowly losing my love for you. I think you never loved me.. here's why: because you never kept in touch since September 11 (for six months!). My question is, let me know if there are people in steady relationships that don't
 see each other for that long. Maybe dead partners, I guess! [I was furious here] I know you don't really like me, you just stick to me because of whatever reason I don't know. We have to talk face-to-face soon, and I will not regret the decision that I will make when I see you (that also depends on what you should say to me) Now gone, we are no longer as loving to each other as before - during my second year days.

You have found a new girl, right? I would not believe you even if you deny it to my face. I cannot keep on waiting for you, I cannot stand the agony of waiting in vain. So here I am, I need to speak to you and know where our relationship is going. Whatever decision you will make, I promise myself I will forget every little thing that reminds me of you: "Endless Love" movie, Menudo and Robby Rosa's posters, "Now and Forever" [I don't remember this is significant for me then; it must be the song by Air Supply]; "With You All The Way", "Too Young", "Boulevard" [yahh! baduy] "Caravan" [same baduy song]; "More Than A Kiss", "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now", "Secret Lovers", "Call Me", "Party All The Time", the Gold Mix Tape songs we shared, the PMA pen you gave me, stupid notes of you and EVERY TRACE of you! You really fooled me this time!! Why can't you be brave to see me and break-up properly!! Remember last year, I had another relationship, I couldn't let you know that I'm breaking up with you because I DO NOT KNOW WHERE YOU WERE! [was he an NPA? hehe] But look at you, you know where you can find me, I'm just in school, I'm just from this town, you've seen me this past month but you didn't make your move to speak to me! You know I would say 'hello' without being mad. Now you're a liar!!

Even if my dreams about us being together wouldn't happen, I don't care anymore as long as I am happy with my own life. From now on, no steady relationships for me.

PX, hate you a lot!!!!!!!

from your great enemy,
RichRed <3

P.S. Excuse me, the <3's not for you, that's for my success and love and everything great in my future...


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Monday                                                                                         Evening
March 14, 1988

Hello!Ah... soo! Brendon can't joke around with me, nor even speak to me today... it's all because his clearance before taking our final exams hasn't been completed yet! And you know, I couldn't concentrate on our exams today because I was thinking about him! (I am getting that worse!)

Then much later, he was in the room already to join us for the exam. He was late. I heard him asking for a ballpen from someone but couldn't find any, I think. So I quickly got my other ball pen ready for him to borrow, just in case. After a minute, he approached me and asked if I had one. I gave him my pen, and looked at him, I felt myself blushing... but I had to get back to my test paper. aww!

That's all I can say for now. This lovesick syndrome is getting worse

I love Brendon.. I love Dean (he greeted me "hi" today. I love Brian..

Good night!

P.S. As soon as I get over PX (Yes, my feelings for him is slowly waning) I'll remove all Robby Rosa's posters so I will completely forget PX. Good night again! [because in my mind as a teen, I led myself to believe PX resembles Robby Rosa of Menudo]



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Friday
Evening
March 11, 1988

This is a less nervous day than yesterday. Brendon just looked into my eyes that morning during our first subject. And I really fixed myself today to impress some morons. [I remember this, I had a red ribbon headband with polka dots on my hair like Small Wonder] On our English class, Ms Jane gave us a unit test and he was transferred to the chair infront of Amy and he asked for a piece of paper as if he was so sure I'll provide. Of course I should, he's my great terrific CRUSH! During that test, I almost wanted to share my answers to him. I tried to get his attention, me pretending to ask for answers to the test items. He looked at me but just then our teacher shot me a glance. Arrgh! But Brendon made my day great with just simple talk. I sort of almost gave up because he didn't talk to me about Brian this morning.

On that afternoon, I was busy writing down facts from our Population Education subject   and all that time he passes by the aisle, I was hoping.. he'd say something. When I finally gave up, he passed by and turned toward me to say:" He asked me today how you are doing. Kumusta daw! Uyy, he said he will give you his latest photo. Hey!" I was just happy he talked to me today, I answered: "Hey you, Brendon, stop it please! You are making fun of me again!" I smiled to myself as he walked away. And here's what I forgot to add yesterday about my dream... has something to do with our conversations lately. Since he was speaking to me already, I keep looking at his lips and I can't believe that in my dream his lips are exactly that in real life! Perfect! Maybe he has noticed me having a fantasy about kissing him on the lips! I love him no matter if he is just teasing me about Brian or fooling me about all this. HA!

love,love,love you, Brendon!

Richred

P.S. My T.A.N.G.A boyfriend ---> PX saw me after the STHS parade at the store of Amy but he didn't go near to talk to me. When I left Amy's store, that's when he asked Amy about me. (HAAY! NAKU!!) And according to Lanie also, PX went to University of Pangasinan (U-Pang) Foundation Day/ Anniversary, but to our own anniversary last February 22, he has forgotten...!

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[This is to update my A Day in Life entries, here's me starting over]

SUNDAY                                                                                                       Morning
March 6, 1988

Hi! Hello! Couldn't quite remember all the other days just that I know Brendon is ERASE-ERASE in my life and all I remember is what happened yesterday (because all other days were boring!)

I will relive everything in this diary =  the good and the bad parts (because without the bad, the thrill would be gone, but then that's only a few to mention)

On that morning, I woke up at 7:00 AM then went to the Post Office to mail my credentials for the college entrance exam in Manila. Then I went home and cleaned house. While I was still applyibng wax on the floor, Uncle Joe came to visit from Manila. I felt sad Lara and Jerome wasn't with him those are my cousins by the way, see my 1986 entries.But then Uncle said Ate Edith will also come home from Manila that day, so there I was more delighted to clean house!

On that afternoon, Ate Edith, Ate Mimie and Kuya Ed arrived (Kuya Rey is not with them). By the way, Ate Mimie wont be going back to Manila because her baby is due this month.

On that night, Bacon, Naning and the rest passed by our house and tagged me along going to the plaza. (It was Mangaldan Fiesta that time) First we went to was the horror booth that lloks scary from the outside because of the scary sounds, but actually only mannequins and monsters made out of plastic were inside. I was with Ate Weda, Bacon, Naning and I kind of lost my voice screaming over those monsters on display! The scary part was only the walk around the area, waiting what will frighten me next.After that, I wanted to find something scarier (and more unique) so I said, "Bacon, let's watch the Wall Of Death - the one with two Arabian guys who would perform stunts riding a motorcycle while going round in circles defying gravity. After getting tickets, something unexpected for me happened as we were queueing up ... I saw Brendon's Brod and he smiled at me like he knew me from before!! He's so cute!! [haha me so infatuated over 'handsome guys' I could've fainted!] He was right infront of me lining up to enter the place but I saw an old lady from our street who talked to me awhile. [distraction for me] Then later, the audience including us all got to enter to watch the show. I almost fell on the floor not watching my steps, just  because I was looking for him where he went [hahaha that was so me!!]. When Bacon and I got to the ring, I was still looking at the stairs that may be Brendon's Brod would  be there. Then as I looked out front of me, there he was!!! He waved at me to know he was there!! :) (Naks, Ha!) Then we smiled at each other everytime our eyes met and he seemed to wink at me (I aint sure coz he was far across from me) Oh I think I like him! (Oops, I don't know him that much really, he's just a stranger) After the Wall Of Death show, Bacon and I went around the plaza again. I was pretending to be really interested in looking around but I really was searching for Brendon's brod. Sure he was there again but a few meters away from us, and couldn't see me but he looks like he was looking for someone (looking for me, huh?!? love you!!)

Meanwhile, Bacon got really bored so he said,"Let's go to Elsie's Canteen" and I just said yes. Then something unfortunately unexpected was there! Who else but Mr. Eeeks!!! [Bacon's 24-year-old uncle who became my boyfriend in 1986, yes my aversion for this guy is also written here. I don't know really why I was like that then, I was so childish] I almost thought Bacon and Mr. Eeeks planned meeting there. But it's not likely because they were both surprised to see each other. Secretly I was so upset and wanted to just go away, go home, run... yaiiiks! And there Mr. Eeeks kept asking me how I was, how life has been, so on and so forth and I just gave him the cold shoulder, just answering yes, no, maybe. Mr. Eeeks asked us not to go yet, asking please dont go yet but I was really anxious to go back to the plaza to have fun. AND because Bacon and I had not much money, ha-ha, (you know what I mean!) he tagged along with us back to the plaza. Mr. Eeeks gladly paid for tickets to any show we wanted to see. But he kept holding my hand once in a while and pretending to hug me. I was so badtrip because as we went around the plaza, some of my batchmates saw me with Mr. Eeeks, but I would slip away and go near Bacon instead.  [oh, man! I was so mean to Mr. Eeeks! Up to this time, I like to say sorry for everything. I really was so mean!] I still searched for Brendon's brod from the JS Prom but now he was invisible. That's it- the good parts and the bad parts of my day- but deep inside my heart, I wanted to see PX.

I love PX!
I like Brendon's Brod very much!

loving everyone, (except...)
Richred


*** The Plaza is a common place we go do during Fiesta where you can get to ride scary rides, watch magic shows and so on. it's like the Great America of the 80's haha


MY NEXT DIARY ENTRY IS HERE

Saturday 021388 Alive In Manila!

Afternoon
Dear Diary,
Hi and Hello! yes, now we are here in Manila and things came unexpectedly! Is there a proverb like that? Expect the unexpected as long as it's the best! So much fun!

But wait, here's something that I can't tell if it's sad or what... yesterday... morning, I saw Brendon kidding around with Sheila while the guys in class were looking at the 'censored' Valentine card. Our classmates at group 4 and 5 laughed at them.I said to myself: "No chance, kiddo, surely they will be back together again" Wasn't it just months ago when Brendon used to often frown at her, but look now - he's back to joking with her and Sheila's going gaga over him. Ahh, I don't know if I should cry or what, ah.... basta, I felt so angry seeing them together! [add a crying face here for me ;'( that's what I meant that time] And maybe that afternoon, they were really back together. I ain't sure coz I skipped classes again because it's Friday afternoon, I went to the movies at Rodela Cinema to watch "Stupid Cupid" with Matt.

Now here is something I must confess to you, dear diary. It was very very bad of me, but hey.. Before I went home that noon, I went back inside our classroom when all the students left. I searched for the 'censored' Valentine card but I couldn't find it, at first. But something pushed me to open the attendance record at the teacher's desk and... (would you believe?).. the 'censored' Valentine card I was looking for was right there clipped inside the attendance record book!! I hurriedly took it and shoved it inside my folder.. and went out as if nothing happened. Tsk,tsk,tsk! Sorry, my dear talented classmate Benny, sorry for your artistic talent in creating the 'censored' card. hmm, what can I say!!! [I still feel bad about taking the Valentine card. But on hindsight, maybe I saved the whole class from making our Physics teacher, Mr. Soco, furious. I mean, what reaction from a prim and proper, no-nonsense teacher would they expect? So, up to this day, no one knows I took this 'censored' Valentine card]

Here in Manila, this afternoon.. Ate Mimie, Melissa and I took a public jeepney to Harrison Plaza to watch some stars on a Valentines fans day. Who was there? Wow!!!!  Lea Salonga (I love her!!), Sheryl Cruz (Yahoo! I really admire!) Jestoni Alarcon (yes, really!) Dennis Da Silva ( loveteam partner of Ruffa, they say he looks like Ricky Martin), Ruffa Gutierrez (she's so cute and pretty!) and Romnick Sarmenta!!!! (Yeheyyy! Romnick, I love you!) [I so wish that we had a camera back then to take some photos, now so sorry. But maybe someone out there reminiscing with me can provide one. I'd be grateful!]

PX, I love you.... [that was really written, I wonder why.. when he was out of touch this season.]

still, Red

Acknowledgements to Pinas Dekada 80 for the photo

Thursday
February 27, 1986
Hello!

I could say, that this is also a significant day for me though I feel a bit of doubt on you-know-who.

Well, today in school at our Practical Arts subject we had a short exam with all the mathematical drawings and patterns. Tough. In our Biology subject, we listened to the report of group one which I could hardly understand I even forgot what it was all about.. and oh my, next week, it's our turn to give the report so I've got to work on the researching... bye to my social life for a  while,right?

In History class- just an ordinary day with the indestructible Mr. Miranda... an ordinary day I hoped, until the attention was given to me. See, I was chewing chiclet gum that afternoon while our teacher was discussing. Mr. Miranda was going 'round the room facing the blackboard, not even looked at me when he said "You're chewing bubblegum." ..like to no one in particular. He didn't point at me and my classmates were asking one another "who" he was referring to but I know it was me so I looked down and pretended to be reading. guilty? "Miss B, are you?" Whoa!! I looked at him like he was crazy or something but at the same time I swallowed my gum to get rid of the 'evidence'. :) [ I knew what would happen next and being the shy quiet type I don't want to be embarrassed infront of the whole class] I lied: "No,sir." and smiled a sweet smile.  And you know Mr. Miranda, he's a really funny guy despite being no-nonsense, saved me the embarrassment by joking along, "Then you must be chewing your tongue?" to which the class roared in laughter. I smiled but bent my head down, my face red. Thanks still, sir, you're nice to me. :)

Literature class and English class just sped by and it was dismissal time! Joey went ahead of me and I can feel she's upset at something. She does smile at me but I feel she's just pretending everything is ok just to ease the tension.

So I took the commute alone today, and as luck would have it, the jeepney stopped infront of Luzon Colleges for a long time. Ah, who else was there waiting for a jeep but Mr. Eeeks!!! [my 2nd accidental ex-boyfriend that time who was a college guy, Bacon's uncle] and as soon as he spotted me he approached the Downtown ride I was in. He just went near, and not ride along.. thank God!! He patted me gently and said, "How are you doing?.. hello..." I didn't respond and ignored him. People in the jeep were looking at us, maybe especially at me and thinking (hmm???) Aargh!! To just be truthful, I feel squeamish seeing him.. he's so... thankfully I just thought of PX and of how he is in contrast, and that made me feel better. After a long long long pause, the jeepney driver decided to move along.. thanks!! finally going further away!  and did I hear Mr. Eeeks say "Bye,Red"? ... :)

When I went down from the bus this afternoon at YOU BELONG TO THE CITY [that's the name I labelled our Mangaldan town in my diary] I went straight ahead to our town plaza to pass by Ate Marlyn's. Guezz what, Saldie, KCMar and Adel's magic show were already there! [These friendly guys/gals were the ones Lanie and I met last January 1986 during San Fabian's town fiesta. Saldie's been writing me ever since to keep in touch. Their family owns the Universal Productions from San Pablo Laguna that travels anywhere in Luzon whenever there is town fiesta. They present magic shows especially in busy towns like our place] As usual, we were making small talk as to where they've been before our town. I also let them know where Lanie and I reside, also Ate Marlyn's booth at the plaza so they know where to find us. I also asked about one of their friends Christine Vasquez, if they've met her again since the last time. She's their friend, I think Adel's crush coz she's his age. She's half-Pinay, half-Mexican.. a mestiza like me. They said I sort of resemble her, which made me more endearing to these fellows. Anyways, we'll be seeing them again now that they are here in town!

Goodnight,
Red


[I'm continuing the old diary entries today from 1986 this time, I feel it helps me retrospect a little of how I've changed and in what area of my life I may need the good qualities again. I beg for your indulgence, Your Honor/s.. so to speak]


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022686
Evening
Wednesday

I know God heard my prayer last night! Cory Aquino is the new president of the Philippines and Marcos flew to Honolulu with the Marcos family last night at 9:05 PM [yes, accurate entry from me hehe]

And guezz what? Maybe PX heard my shout last night 'coz I just saw him today! I kind of believe that PX and I have ESP with each other, huh? It was a surprise to me when I saw him, good thing I'm still the usual me without my childish antics.. or else..

This is the last page of my diary 1. I will move on to my second book. There I will relate everything, I mean, the summary and quips from the beginning up to this February... okay?

NEW PRESIDENT...
NEW DIARY..
NEW LIFE..
NEW YEAR..
NEW DEAR (?).. no, still the one.

Thank You Lord for everything.

the 80s girl,
Red

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022486
Evening
Monday

Hello. He's gone to BC and I'm free today until Thursday to play around hehehe (hoy!) Just joking. I really need time for my studies this week because of the exams and quizzes.

I realize isn't it a wonder the events happened so fast. I just met PX again last February 12 then we went out on a date February 22, and now we are "on"! Ten days difference, oh my goodness, am I that easy to get (and forget?) I hope he doesn't think of me that way! NO! :-D

Oh, quiet time again, no Algebra test paper yet but, tomorrow maybe... Dear God, please bless me.

Red

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022386
Evening
Sunday

Hello. It's a boring day but I can still feel the happiness from yesterday's moments. I feel bad becoz of a gray sky. I'm not sure if he'd be able to come and fetch me at school tomorrow bu GOSH I MISS HIM! I FEEL LIKE DYING IF HE'S OUT OF MY SIGHT! I'm afraid that he might meet someone else who's prettier than me while he's in Baguio City. I'll probably....haaah, stop it!

I love him! that's all and I just hope the jealousy blues will be gone. OK!

I remember I still have to write back Lara, just to say hello and how everything is here. No, I don't feel anything about who is in Tuguegarao. No time for that now.

RIGHT NOW I NEED MY GOODY BRAINS COZ I NEED THEM IN SCHOOL, PLEEZ!

Dear Lord,

Please give me a good day tomorrow though I won't see PX. Please help my test paper in Algebra have a score. Please, dear Lord, and please bless Lara, PX, my teacher in Algebra Ms. Basa, Mama, Miss Opiana, Lanie and all my close friends.


Red

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Saturday
022286
Evening

Dear Diary,

Hello! Hello! Hello! Everything's fine! Everything is alright! PX and me are officially on as sweethearts!

Just like that, when we were on our date today.. he hugged/ embraced  me.. I was so happy, this means we really are sweethearts! Ahahaaaay! Chill to the bones was what I felt but I didn't make that obvious. [Yes, dear readers, hugs and embraces already meant something for me then, life was that simple]

I know he loves me so much because he cares so much for me to speak the truth if I still love someone else from my past relationship. He said he feels I still love someone somewhere (though I haven't told him anything) but I assured and swore that he will be the only one.. he asked: "Red, until FOREVER?" I had no comment but to smile sweetly. [Yes, in my heart I really meant yes. Dear readers, allow me to clue you in some more.. I held on to my promise for quite a long time, and it was a very very long time. As you will find in these series of old diary entries we were on in 1986 and still on in 1988. Ha-ha, will I then say what Liz Taylor said about her love for Richard Burton? Haha, I really don't know, I'm just kidding here]

PX is still not sure with me, even joked about me finding another guy. Isn't that silly? Why is he insecure about that, isn't it obvious already?  ... But then I feel jealous really about his former girlfriend. He told me a few things about her, and I wonder how they broke up. Scary to think of, I don't want that to happen to me. I know he still cares for her, he's still wearing her ring. I heard about that story from Betty, when we first met PX in January 17th, that his ex-gf and him exchanged class rings and I feel uneasy. [now I find that story quite odd, because all that time he had a soldier's class ring -  the one with a ruby in it. It must be his own ring, handed down by his brother from PMA] 

Well, PX will be gone for about five days. He will be going to Baguio to see his father. [that was always the story] I'll be left alone in a sour world. I thought I could have the stars in a split second but then, the gray clouds covered it and it's beginning to rain. [what poetry, huh?]

I love him, I love him, he's the only one I love and no one else! Not even Ralph, he is just a special mention in my list

Dear God, please bless PX and me. Please make our relationship stronger to last forever.

I love PX!

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Friday
022186
Evening

Hello! Hello! Hello! He loves me! He loves me! He finally said that he loves me! But I can't utter the words "I love you" to him when he asked me to... but well I just acted wacky by giggling about it then just changing the subject by joking. But deep inside I really love him! Yes, really!!!

Why can't I say the same? Is something holding me back? Is it Ralph? [Yes, Ralph is only more of a fictional character] No, not this time!

But well, as of now, I love PX! Haay! I'm really going crazy!! The problem is what if he finds me boring, then he will surely split from me. and if I see him with another girl, Ate Baybee will now dare me what to do. hehehe  (hey! PX and I still didn't have one complete date, jealousy creeps!) But again, on summer vacation, no PX, no Ralph because I can't go there.. because I might be going to summer remedial class for my algebra.. and because PX will not be here too because he will spend summer in Laguna. WHAT? Yes.. I hope he changes his mind. Isn't it supposed to be.. 'till death do us part? :)

Ok, then, I'm getting high blooded again, kitam!

I love you PX!

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Thursday 022086
Evening

Hello! A miracle - why the cheery greeting? I got a tear-jerky letter from Lara. It says:

Dear Ate Red,
Hi, Hello I hope you're fine, like me. Ate Red, I'm not mad at you I even had a letter for you before but he gave it to your mom when they were in Manila. I hope you understand me because almost everyday I have plenty of assignments in school.

Did you know one time we happened to pass by Palpakman you know why I called him palpak, because he doesn't look handsome anymore, he's "babalu" already (Gosh! Don't hurt my feelings, I know it's not true, i love him, i love him, he's my RR, please!!!!) Dong said, " Hey Robby, Ate Red has a crush on you!" Good thing Ralph didn't hear him, it would have been embarrassing.

How is everybody there? I hope everything is ok. 

BYE-BYE.

Always loving you,
Lara

My dear younger cousin, Lara, really cares for my feelings! wah! I hope she didn't write all that about Ralph coz I've been telling her a hundred zillion times to choose good, better, best words about Ralph. Golly, if that's how she feels.. then it's okay, I can't influence her.  And is it true, that Ralph has forgotten all about me? He hasn't heard what Dong said, what's the meaning of this... when I went back home here in the province he now has amnesia not even speaking to my cousins.

Well, this summer, I make sure to take a long vacation there.. if PX and I will split. (it's an i love you, i hate you, no decision here) I miss Ralph, how's he? If only I was there...am I crazee - more crazee than the talk of the town [it's an 80s lyric]

Well, tomorrow is PX day. Will see him again. I like and <3 PX as long as he understands and loves me very much!

Red

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021986
Wednesday
Evening

Hello! I don't understand what I feel. Perhaps I'm beginning to feel icky on such matters between PX and me. We are sort of having a problem today. We are beginning to have a gap and I know it's me again! I had to admit though he has also part of a fault. No, we didn't go cat and dog fight.[:-D] Just like that, we have a gap.

I know that he's getting to sense the truth I am hiding. Gosh! I'm trying to cover everything!Just so he cannot trace / follow me. I hid my home location - I said there at Bucarillo Road [that was where my nieces Faye, Olive and nephews Bacon and Matt lived] - yes that's the place I said, anyway, Cat's there to ha-ha! [Cat is my cousin, father of the four] On March 6-7, our town's fiesta, I'm going to get away for awhile from our town, coz plenty of friends what to visit me AT HOME! [visitors are a big NO for me then, my mom was strict]

Our date on Sunday is cancelled, because I feel so nervous again! I lied that I'm going to Baguio City, and he even replied he wants to go with me when he visits his dad at PMA..what!! ow?  I'm crazee or what?!! And what if I really tried to go on my own?[these are the kind of  scary risks I would stop teens from getting into]
Oh what fun!!And if I go with him to Baguio City, oh what a lovely date! And what if I really went and said goodbye to him that, "I'll go to Baguio City" Then he will ask what I'll be doing there, I'll just say I just want to be alone, to think about my life... Silly!  But well, I'm really planning to. It's impossible if he won't go with me. We are boyfriend/girlfriend. But the real date would be on Saturday yet. I'm feeling ultra-shy already because of that, I must learn to be aggressive.. hehe! [there again, I was exaggerating, you think I was about to do some hanky-panky]

Oh, no, now I realize we didn't have one complete date yet and we are having problems.I'm in great doubt if PX really loves me. Anyway, when the time comes, I better have a fine heart that can accept such words, as : "I hate You" "Let's not see each other anymore" "Break na tayo" [ means We are through] "Why is your attitude like a child's?" ..etc,etc,etc...

I would only smile no matter how mad he will be but if I'd have a chance to be alone after being shouted at, I'd surely *bleep* the city and *bleep* in his town also. [war zone terms there, oh my! .. and did you notice my mood swings then. hahaha]  PX, 143 in reverse!

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Monday
021786
Evening 9:30PM
Hello. I can't sleep because I think I have to analyze some things very well.

I can't forget what PX said "I'm really in love with you." He gently held my hand. I beamed with joy! I wanted to say something really witty. I almost wanted to hug him! oh no, that's an oops. You know, when we look at each other, I feel like the earth just stops going around, that the clocks stop ticking. I feel like something special would happen - (what? What's that?) Maybe there's only 7 inch distance between me and PX when we look at each others face. I'm super in love! He's the most super guy I've been with so far and a Robby Rosa look-alike even!

But, there's still a problem - no, not that situation again! - it's ES the second (this other guy from the next street), wants to court me too. Oh no! Why just now when I will now have an official boyfriend?! Why is it when a lady has a boyfriend, that's when her past crushes get interested in her now? Yes, that was me with a lot of crushes and boy-crazy! But since Ralph came to my life, I tied my heart and mostly fixed my eyes on books. But still became physically absent and mentally present in class. [if there was such a word, I must've been exaggerating]

Ah, I love him! Good night,PX!

Red

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Monday
121786
Evening

Everdearest Diary,
We are going to Manila tomorrow kasi I'm badly needed and I'm in danger co'z I don't know how to get my way by not going there this time. What am I going to do, I have not said anything to PX yet.

I saw PX unexpectedly this afternoon. He really said he is in love with me. I almost melted, I almost wanted to kiss him and tell him "Iluvyouverymuch" but then I'm really watching my brains so that I won't go wacky! I don't understand why I am so silent when I'm with PX. Perhaps something is wrong with me.

I like to explain something to PX before we totally go together.[what a term I use for steady] I think it's about my situation, my mother's situation. [my mother was strict, so very very strict] Surely he won't understand, he doesn't know the real me. He doesn't know this girl he admires.

I hope God makes me brave enough to say to PX my personal situation.

I Love PX!!! (1,000,000,000,000x)

Read the next 80s diary entry here

February 13, 1986
Evening
Thursday

Hi!Hello!Hi!Hello! Oh my, I thought I won't see him anymore. Maybe he was thinking of me so much that he forgot the time I gave him to see me. But anyway I saw him still as soon as I got down from the Downtown jeepney ride.

And guezz what he said? "The guy you were with yesterday is just there." I WAS SURPRISED: "Does he know I'm here too?" [silly me, what kind of a counter question was that haha] Then, here comes ES (the scene is complete: we have an antagonist : witch!) ES said in an almost whisper, "Hey, I told that guy (PX) we are cousins, please don't tell the truth. Just say yes, ok?" I said, "Why did you have to lie,  what was that for?" ES goes, "Because.. because.." (truth, I know ES is upset because he is jealous. I just went along with him because of Ate Baybee. Now he lost his chance with me) That's it! Then there ES was rambling on about Ate Baybee this, Ate Baybee that, wherever she was at that moment, etc.. just so ES and I had something to talk about. I really felt bored-to-death on him. I just said excuse me and went back to where PX was, who by that time was talking to a friend he found there.

PXx said everything ES told him. They've been speaking for quite a while before I came. "ES asked me if I met you already today but I didn't answer and asked him instead: 'Why you ask?'And he answered me, that you have a date with him." When I heard,I LAUGHED! PX smiled because I laughed out loud over that one.  He looked relieved to see me happy. [this same moment is what I always hoped for, just the happy moments. As PX and I used to say over the years "I wish we will always be this way.. happy"] 

We also talked about ES' silly scheme. Whatever that was! Poor ES, we escaped from his
 sight! We just mixed through the crowd and took the next bus, never seen again by ES! It was getting dark already as it was almost 6PM. The only seat we got was at the back of  the bus, just by the aisle. The light blue flourescent light above kept blinking every so often, making it dark and bright the next. [I meant this as a good thing before, it felt kind of romantic in my mind] We didn't talk much, just small talk and  just exchanging smiles. I still felt so nervous at times! Then, PX asked me if he had a chance* with me, and I politely replied "Ha?" that was all I could say!  I'm shocked at my own attitude, eh what can I do, I was very nervous already!  [I meant that when he finally said what I wanted to hear, I was dumbfounded,
I was excited but speechless] I smiled, and just looked at him. (He's so handsome! If Lanie and Betty were here I would have gone boy crazy!) Then, I spoke up again, "Sure." THAT'S IT!

After that, a moment of silence, we looked at each other (just like in my daydreams) I feel so in love I want to tell the world! [in reality, I can't or I would've been in trouble] 

 Basta, next time I see ES, I'll say, "Sorry the other day I forgot all about you. It's been a really long time since I've seen MY BOYFRIEND (take note) again." Surely ES will go nuts! I know he's jealous! What a poor guy... I don't like you, bad!

I love PX! (1,000,000,000,000x)

Red

[and that's the trademark of being with PX over the years. I almost always ended my diary entries with " I love you a million, trillion, zillion times]

Read the next 80s diary entry here

* chance meant- in the 80s you still go through courtship stage or what we call
the waiting period. Elders say guys should wait years, my older cousins say wait a year or so, my friends say wait a few months before saying YES



Listen to the Greatest Valentine Love Songs from the 50s up to the 80s

February 13, 1986
Morning

Hello! I can't get away from you, dear diary! Coz I'm too nervous to see him and I don't know how
to excuse myself from my friends after school.Yaiiiikks! I'm really nervous and I can't even study for
our quiz in Biology coz it bothers me a lot! I can't sleep, I can't concentrate on our  lesson in school, all - I can't! [ahh, the melodrama haha]

Why am I addicted to PX!? I don't know. I'm afraid I might scream or [go the extreme] and faint altogether if I see him. As if he's so popular [yes, I was in the clouds] I dreamed last night that he picked me up from school, and said, while holding my hand "Let's go" :))
And in my dream, my friends and some classmates from the smart group were there and they cheered!!! [I wished for approval I guess] I'M TOO-TOO NERVOUS!! He might say "i luv you', eh I might collapse! Dear God, help me control my emotions. I still don't understand the meaning of love but I'm really trying to. Aaaaahhh!!!!

Another bad girl, Ate Issa - who's Ate Baybee's friend... supposedly told Ate Baybee this morning:  "I've seen Red yesterday at the bus stop in Carried with 2 UGLY guys." .. Grrr! [Whatever I wrote in this entry diary further I'm omitting. I realize now the statement was Ate Baybee's way to put me off PX - by scaring me that Ate Issa would tell on me to my relatives.Ate Baybee knew my weakest spots then, or thought so that it was. Btw, Ate Issa was quite a popular girl in our place. She and her sisters were considered the pretty faces too. Sad to say, Ate Issa has passed away from a heart ailment in 2010]

Read the next 80s diary entry here

Wednesday
February 12, 1986
Evening

Hello!Hello!Hello! I saw PX today!!! Yeheyy! It felt like the world just stopped, and it felt like I could hear Robby Rosa singing "Like An Explosion" over the crowd!

(exact spot of the bus stop where I found him again)Thanks to flickr for the photo


Same story like yesterday, I was with ES again waiting for Ate Baybee. We both crossed the road toward Philippine Lumber to wait for the incoming buses going back to YBTTC*. We were waiting for the next bus then, and still talking. ES began by asking me if Ate Baybee said anything about him, I felt unsure where it was leading to,so I just said "None." (then I just looked the other way) Who did I see a little bit further?! There was PX!!! We both smiled and walked toward each other, and ES was gone in a flash!! would you believe that?! [Yes, when you're in love with love, everything just stops. All you can see is the object of your affection. :) ES was gone? Hmm, I don't think so, I think I was just rude not to tell him to wait a sec]

So PX and I just talked, about what's the latest. PX said.. 'that I'm his crush' and he will see me tomorrow at school!!!!

So I beg you, pleez gimme a vacation to keep you coz we are in danger of my mom and you might fly all my secrets away. See you!! [Yes, after all that time, my mom saw me hiding my diary in a secret place I marked hidden wealth, hahaha, it's a Marcos election terminology]

Red


*What's YBTTC? It's my own term for our sleepy town stands for "You Belong To The City" (shrugs) I don't know why :)

*Who's this PX from the 80s? Visit here
Read the next 80s diary entry here

Monday 021086
Evening

Good Evening, dear diary. I had a good day if only I didn't have fantasies some days ago.

I went to school feeling awkward of my hairdo. I seems I've got a lot of fans,ha. No kidding, I have another classmate,Daff, she also has a new hairdo but my seatmate Jerom was making fun of her, then said: "Your hair looks so much better, it looks good on you. You kind of resemble...." he trailed off because I wasn't really listening because I was paying attention to my other seatmate, another Jerome - he's the Filipino-American - who finally spoke up. I know this guy has a crush on me but won't admit it! Whenever Jerom would tell stories, Jerome would still look at me for approval before he gets to laugh. I don't know why. He has a crush on me? Hahaha! Anyways, the lessons for today were so easy, because I was so inspired! But that inspiration was gone. He sort of stood me up. Isn't it? I really waited but no PX came. I'm angry at him, so angry! I don't want to see him anymore!

Hey, I dreamt last night that I was watching a Menudo concert. I was late in going to the concert but when I entered the stadium, there were only a few people there so I took the frontrow,ha! That time, in my dream, Robby Rosa was singing solo. When he finished singing, he sat near another fan. But when he saw me, he smiled at me, I smiled back. He said "hello" and gestured me to come closer. I said to myself: "Who does he think he is?" So Robby Rosa came over to where I was. Then... no one woke me up, but I just did despite the wonderful dream. [hahaha, indeed! In reality, I get this dream now from what happened in February 12,1986. You'll find out later]

That's all I can write for now, I'm angry at PX. I hate PX! I hate PX! I hate PX!

I love Ralph! I love Ralph! I love Ralph!

WHAT A BORING DAY BUT EXPECT A RED VALENTINE!!!

 Red

Read the next 80s diary entry here 

Note: Wondering who is this PX from the 80s?

Thursday Morning
020686
February 6, 1986

Hello! I'm back home and I'm planning to go Downtown Dagupan this afternoon with my friend Betty. But let me tell you that I got  a letter from Saldie. He wrote me and just told me everything frankly; he really likes me (oh no!) but I'm still young. Oh, why does he think I'm still young?! Too young (?) well here I am about to get into my second boyfriend. (just don't mention the other guy, he was nothing, pleez!)

And about my next boyfriend to be, let's call him PX, (I mentioned his name earlier here in January 1986) am changing his name coz I may not know maybe someone's reading this Classica notebook. I even removed my crush list and pasted it some place. PX, as I heard from Betty, was inviting me thru my friends last week. My friends say it was his birthday then, but I didn't go because we went to Manila (for the long vacation as  declared by President Marcos last January 28 until February 9). But before I went with my folks to Manila I asked Betty to get PX' address coz we'll just send a birthday card. Just that, Betty gave my message. PX's answer: he will just see me at my school when classes resume. But I doubt if what Betty said was true, knowing her. okay..that's it!


[PX was the guy I've had the longest relationship with during my teenage years. I was always awed by him, everytime - that was how I saw him before, like the whole world stops when he was around... you know what that's like. If you read on, you'll see how it all turned out. :)]

Read the next 80's diary entry here