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A Valentine Story If Cupid Was Real

This is a repost, a series of my articles on Valentine's Day.. "You don't remember me, but I remember you. T'was not so long ago, you broke my heart in two. Tears on my pillow, pain in my heart, caused by you..."

Just adding drama to it, of course :) (reality is I married one of our classmates after so many years instead)

Just to paraphrase from my mother's old 50's records I used to listen to ~ "A tear fell when I saw you in the arms of someone new.. a tear fell when you left me all alone and feeling blue.. a tear fell when you told me that your love was not for me..."... A fool was I, a fool was I ..... in love." laughing out loud!

It's all because our high school batch reunion video presentation still makes me smile! Lots of pictures there of our batchmates and a growing list of former classmates added on Facebook. I remember the last year when we had our high school reunion in 2008. One picture made me go back in time when I was so foolishly in love with love itself that I was super-infatuated with this particular guy from my class. He's the guy I call Brendon in these series of entries from '88. I'm just saying this because it's not him that I would truly like to remember, but to remember what a carefree person I once was. These tons of memories are always with me even on friend's birthdays, valentines, Christmas, New Year and every HS reunion.

 photo hetocya.jpg

In retrospect, I tell you if Cupid's existence was real, well then the love bug hit me then. It just hit me because of all the circumstances that came my way, which led me to see the world with rose-colored glasses. Since that day in November 1987 and until we graduated he inspired me to go to school everyday (even on a Saturday and Sunday I'll go) OA ha!

How bad was it? How silly was I back then?
I thought of him at least every hour in a day. I dreamed of him often. I would wish every night that tomorrow will be The Day he will tell me he likes me (yes, back then I was a good old-fashioned girl, you get that from listening to Teresa Brewer). And true enough the following day would almost be the day I was praying for.   ...Almost.... but we were always in class, surrounded by classmates, teachers and peers. And I thought he could never say that because (maybe) he might think he will embarrass me in front of a lot of people.
So I tried to get his attention anyhow, in other ways.... when he distributes workbooks in class, I'd pretend to accidentally hold on to his hand and say, "Whoops, I'm sorry" or if he borrows my homework to copy, I'd gladly lend it to him; if he borrows my pen I would do the same.... ahh, so many incidents. Yet, ugh, that was me?

But he NEVER got the message, not even when I sent him a pre-Valentine's card, he didn't search that well for me. I knew he showed the greeting card to our male classmates, just so he would know who sent it (he was trying to get clues thru the handwriting but I thought of that beforehand and asked a close friend to hand-write me that letter instead) He was even calling out for "Small Wonder" hoping maybe that "Small Wonder" would reply but hey, I never looked back at him. I knew he was seated at the far corner of the room, I kept a straight face pretending to be reading.
He never got the message, not even when his older brother courted me (after our JS prom) and he was the only link we had for communication. He was only playing matchmaker here, and I could just thank my lucky stars that at least he was talking to me now.

Just one day, he came near me, sat beside me and said in a "lovingly yours" way ~
"Chris... someone says "hello"....."
I smiled sweetly and said "Really? Who?" (can it be you?)
"My brother..."
Then he went on to build up his brother like he was recommending a valuable employee..... ending the conversation with, " So, will I tell him it's okay?.... He's going to see you on our graduation .... hey, he's a handsome dude... I'll tell him that you also have a crush on him!!" He was so loud that our classmates and adviser heard him, they teased us thinking it was him who was courting me (embarrassing!), he was so happy for his brother he actually jumped for joy!
I just smiled, shaking my head,telling myself, " oh no, if you only know..."

Yet, aargh, nothing came of it because that's how life is sometimes... this crush story reminds me of an 80's movie I got to watch "Sixteen Candles" starring Molly Ringwald....yes, that's the sort of girl I was, dumbstruck, speechless, blushing

a fool am I, a fool am I in love  wahahaha

P.S. This is a short summary of journal entries to come, why Brendon was the most obvious topic most of the time beginning that November 1987 day up to the day we graduated.

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Presenting "A Day In Life" my series of texts from my journals that I kept between the ages of 14 and 17. I'll be adding new entries every now and then to share all my thoughts, ideas,events, experiences, memories, ideas I had during the eighties. It is for my continued amusement that I read and reread my old journals, even when there isn't much content, I still gain occasional insight how I'm still in the process of changing to maturity. Most of the names have been changed to protect the people I recently found on Facebook. A few are just partial entries, my bleeping and blinding exclamations have been removed and some entries have been modified to give way to my now correct spelling and grammar. Yet the mix of excitement, melodrama and pleasant memories from the eighties are still much felt :)I hope, as you read my old journal with me, you enjoy the same sentiments.