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February 9,1986 - A Day In Life

Sunday 020986
Hello. I hope someone can help me. I'm drowning in tears. [I'm laughing at this now] Somethings making me feel awful. Maybe I'm excited to see PX but I still fell I love Ralph very much. I don't know why I can't leave a person I've never heard a word from except a cheery greeting. Why is this so? I know that God really let us meet but it was a wrong time to realize this. Even when I often seen him before, Ralph was always there but we never talked. It's okay. But I'm really losing interest in him now and my feelings are all going toward PX but I still like Ralph too. I don't want to push him away totally. I know we were not steady but I feel that we were before but really we weren't. [What did I really mean that time.. I don't know, I'm just copying the text now]. 

 Maybe there were two people in this world before who just looked like us and fell in love. Maybe Ralph and I are the ones here now. I don't want to hurt him. You might say he won't be hurt because he never got to know me well. But what do I really feel? I love him, I don't want to hurt him coz I know how it feels to be left. But Ralph and I were never on. Why?Why? Why? I know something's wrong, but what? I have no close friends right now who can explain to me what I'm really feeling.
I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph. I love Ralph!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Red

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Presenting "A Day In Life" my series of texts from my journals that I kept between the ages of 14 and 17. I'll be adding new entries every now and then to share all my thoughts, ideas,events, experiences, memories, ideas I had during the eighties. It is for my continued amusement that I read and reread my old journals, even when there isn't much content, I still gain occasional insight how I'm still in the process of changing to maturity. Most of the names have been changed to protect the people I recently found on Facebook. A few are just partial entries, my bleeping and blinding exclamations have been removed and some entries have been modified to give way to my now correct spelling and grammar. Yet the mix of excitement, melodrama and pleasant memories from the eighties are still much felt :)I hope, as you read my old journal with me, you enjoy the same sentiments.